“I woke up as usual, but something pained me, well it is not about my marriage truth, because I understood the family’s situation. I wanted everything to be normal, and you know how much I hate emotional talks, so I thought to act as if nothing happened. I went to kitchen and was preparing coffee when Bhaiya to me. He looked guilty, I smiled at him.
He was about to apologise to me, but I told him it is not needed. Because I know what made them do all these. It was their love on him. He asked me if I will give his brother back. He appeared hopeful; there was fear in his eyes, fear of losing his brother. He loves Yuvraj a lot!”
Yuv: I know he does, but Bhaiya, if I quit my game, then it would be never me, you will not get your brother back.
“I know it pains him to see his brother’s life at stake. I can understand his feelings, because I too am feeling the same, the fear of losing him. I feel a deep pain in my heart. But then, Dadi told me they compelled him for the past three months and he didn’t listen, doesn’t it shows the passion he has for his game? The love he has for his game? I asked Bhaiya about it, but he doesn’t seem to be listening to me, he was adamant on getting his brother back. He wanted me to make Yuvraj quit the game.
I told him that I need time to take a decision. He nodded and left.
The rest of the day passed like this, all tried to pressurise me, but I stood adamant. Firstly because it was Yuvraj’s life and the decision should be his alone, and about me supporting the family, before that I have to make sure by myself that it is the best decision for him and the others.
Even though it kills me thinking that may lose him, but somehow I feel like he should continue his passion, I have seen the spark in his eyes!
God, why is this so confusing, please help me, show me the right path!
Yuvraj was in tears, he was realising the position he puts his family in, but, he can’t quit his game, he just can’t!!
Few days passed by, then
“Oh my God what I have I done? Why did I do so? WHY??
That stupid idiotic thing. Oh how I hate it!! Damn, that irritating thing, you just tell it to get out of my body, I don’t want it inside me anymore.”
Yuvraj was thoroughly confused.
“That dump heart of mine, you say, have I ever, I mean ever gone against it? No na, then why?? Why didn’t it listen to me, why it had to be vulnerable, act on impulses?? That stupid thing, I no more want my heart with me.”
Yuvraj looked at Suhani disbelievingly; he can’t believe that she was scolding her heart!
He shook his head and continued reading.
“You might be wondering why I am scolding my heart, because you don’t know about the blunder it did today.
When I returned from college, I saw Yuvraj’s car in the parking. I was confused; he told me he would be back by tomorrow, then why today.
Again I saw the whole family waiting for me the living room, and this wasn’t giving me any positive vibes. They were relieved to see me.
Dadi told me Yuvraj is back, yeah I know he is.
He was back because he was feeling low, and that happens when his performance is low. That time he comes to his room, spent some time there, and then goes back to the camp. It is like energy filler for him.
Dadi asked me to stop Yuvraj taking advantage o the situation. I was shocked, because till now I didn’t reach to a conclusion. I told her so. She scolded me and ordered me, even though I didn’t like it, I didn’t mind i. It was her concern over her grandson.”
Yuv: Even then what was the need to scold her? She was not wrong!
Without saying anything, I went towards my room. But hesitated to enter, because Anuj told me that he likes to sit alone, and I don’t want to spoil his privacy.”
Yuvraj smiled gratefully.
“But I had to, hadn’t I? Arrey I am so tried, I wanted to get fresh na, so without nay option I went in. He smiled at me and I went to get fresh. He was sitting by window, trying calming his mind.
I came back and saw that he was still very upset. It pained me to see him so, and then, my stupid idiotic heart, without even consulting with my brain it led me to Yuvraj and you know what it did?? It made me encourage him, yes, it did. I encouraged him; I supported him, when I decided that I won’t support neither him nor family without any clarification. I have warned my brain and heart about this, two days back and kept telling this every now then. Even then, my heart didn’t listen to me.
Yuvraj went back soon with a determined face. Meaning my encouragement affected him.
See, now what I will do? I really don’t know whether I did right, I am so scared. I am scared for him, for family. How could I act on impulses? Just because I couldn’t see him sad, I can’t do something like this. For the time being he was happy, but what if it was temporary, what if his permanent happiness lies in quitting the game? God, why did I do this?
I hate my heart.
Anyway you have a good night, mine is gone. I am so scared!”
Yuvraj smiled sadly. He too remembers that day very well, because after long three months, that day he got peaceful sleep. Her words encouraged him very much and he played very well, that too till late night. He was very happy with his performance and was very grateful towards her for encouraging. But that time he didn’t know the thing which gave a peaceful sleep just took her sleep away!!