My head hurts. It’s due to over crying. Really, I shaded buckets of tears yesterday in my room’s darkness. I needed that darkness to swallow my hurt.
The light from the window troubled my sleep. After failing time and again to cover my eyes with the spare pillow on my bed, I finally got up to draw the curtains.
The floor was cold. I try to recall the events of the previous night. I feel there was something heavy inside my heart. Like an ache. It’s kind of emotional clot. I guess I will deal with it. But at present, I badly want to get sleep.
A bit irritated, I drew curtains close. My bedroom was again dark. I fall back on my bed.
What time is it? I wonder
Thankfully, I was able to reach out to my cellphone on the side table. I stretched my arm to pick it up.
A series of miscall notifications were waiting my attention on the mobile phone’s screen. They all were From Neil. Events from last night flashed in my mind. I entered the password and saw 51 miscall and 10 messages from him. All were stating “Sam, pick up my call”. The last one was different.
“Sam…Please talk to me….I’m sorry..I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t want you to leave before we could talk….Please call me….We really need to talk”
The tears were streaming down my face and I had wiped them away as I pushed delete button. But when opened another messaged which cut me more than Neil’s.It was from Radhika.
“Sam..i know what Neil did to you….I’m so sorry…if I knew that he would be jerk…I never force you to do that…I love you..i will talk to you tommarow…bye…”
I put my phone back on the table and rolled over on the bed. Yesterday’s event replayed in my mind. I could feel the fresh tears in my eyes and my pillow got wet. After an hour I again slept with nightmares full of the man that lives in my heart.
I woke up again I felt my mom’s hand on my forehead.
“Sam, how’s you feeling? I thought you caught cold as you drenched in rain yesterday ….”
“I’m fine mom…just feel tiredness….” I replied
“Take rest then….i heard on local news that schools, colleges and offices declared off today..yesterday’s rain causes damaged to the road to drive…..”
Ohh God, Thank you for showing this mercy on me…
“ Okay mom..i will come downstairs after getting fresh….”
“Alright….” She shut the door as she went out.
My phone buzzed. I checked it, Radhika’s name was flashing on screen.
I swiped the phone “ Hello, Radz….”
“Hey I’m sorry Sam..I wouldn’t have pushed you for it…”
“Radz..i’m fine now….”
“I can’t belive Neil did that to you….”
Sighing I got up from bed and stood next to window.
“You there Sam? “
“Yeah..Just tired…” I didn’t want to talk about it.i wanted complete silence to figure out how can deal with this
“Get some rest..i will call you later…love you..see ya…”
“Bye..Radz….” I placed the phone shut.
I took bath to make myself feel fresh. When I put on my tank top and short then heard a crash sound from downstairs. I ran and went downstairs to see what happen.
When I got down there,there stood Neil in his all Handsome glory. I turned around and ran back to the room, and slammed door behind. I clicked the door locked to prevent him entering in.
I heard him running behind me across the stairs.
“Sam, open the door..” he yelled from other side of door
“ Neil…please go home… “ I yelled back
“I’m not leaving until we talk” he heard him leaning on door
“there isn’t anything to talk to Neil..i know you didn’t feel the same…”
“Talk to me Plaeseeeeee….” His voice sounded exaggerated “ I need to explain something to you….i want you to understand my thoughts….Plaese Sammy..”
I wanted to open the door..but my mind kept telling No..and my heart was screaming YES. Now what he want to say more? What else will hurt more than he doesn’t love you?
I pulled door open to meet his eyes….magnificent eyes of the man who holds my heart…
“Let’s go downstairs….we aren’t talking here….”
He followed me closely. While descending the stairs I was thinking how to react to whatever he wants to say.
Then I decided to listen him first and then tell him what he wanted to hear. I needed my friend more.
As we came to the living room I noticed mom wasn’t home. I started looking for her.
“Sam, aunty left for market after I knocked out that vase…She will be back soon…”
I nodded and pulled a glass from cabinet and filled it with water. Neil was keenly observing my every move. He was leaning against the door frame of kitchen.
“Sam, I’m sorry. I wasn’t meant to react that way…and ended up hurting you “
“It’s okay..Neil…” I wanted to sound okay but I’m far from being it.
I started to study his expression. He sat on dinning table’s chair.
“ No..Sam..It’s not okay..I always nice to stranger but hurted you…”
He looked so sad. His expression changed. I wanted to hug him tight and comfort him.
“Sam, when you told me that, I really didn’t know how to react. To hear those words coming from you like shock”
My eyes couldn’t stop watching it..I wanted to hear him as much as I can.Don’t after this life wouldn’t give me this chance.
“I know Sammy..I do love you Sammy but not Girlfriend sort of way….You are my best friend and we being relationship is not a good idea. Relationships comes and go…but our friendship is for forever. I don’t want to ruin our beautiful bond just because we got into actual relationship….and moreover You are too good for me….”
“”what makes you think like that?” I interrupted him. How can he think like that for himself.
“Sam…you are a sweet and kind hearted girl..At first place I don’t know how you could fall for guy like me….we are so different….I trust you more than my family and Arjun….I couldn’t afford to lose you….”
He wanted a friend, here I craved for man, the good man who possess heart of solid gold…It’s really irritating me that he calling himself low….was he blind? But I don’t want to lose my friend.so I need to push this thought of love…
“Neil…It’s okay….Love is not a formality. It has to come from inside…I can’t force you to love me back.That’s one big difference in trying to love and falling in love, I guess” I paused
“Simple..It’s didn’t come to you like me….i understand you didn’t feel the way I do…and I promise I would not mention it in the future ever..I want my friend back to me rather having boyfriend…” I completed
He was studying my expression to find out I was lying. But I don’t. It’s also for me what I said more than to him.
“I will be always you best friend..Sammy No matter what I will be always by your side….”
“ I too Neil..whatever happens I won’t leave you…” my voice cracked
I stood up and walked near him. He too stood up and wrapped his arm around me. I want to cry hard on his shoulder, but I can’t. All my emotions, my feelings, my love gonna be buried deep inside the darkness of my soul.
“Please, Sam..don’t do this to me again..I can’t imagine life without you….”
His grip around me wasn’t loosing, and for that moment, I too didn’t want it to. I needed this. In a way I was saying good bye to those feeling inside me. He parted away and I met his eyes which were having thin film of tears…
“I need to leave now , Sam….See you at college tomorrow…” he spoke and went toward front door.. I too went behind him.
I watched him as he drove back on the road. As he went out of sight tears started falling from my eyes. I felt like my legs would go jelly and I will crash on that floor any moment..but No. I have to be strong..No more cry baby…even my face put mask of being strong, my heart was crying inside….
Ohhh God….Please give me strength to get through this…..
The world around me seems to going back to normal..Only three people knew about my confession. I still loved him but I never speak about it. I knew very well Neil never gonna see me more than friend. So I have to accept this bitter truth as soon as posibale.
So most of the time, I was the best actress. I acted as I am not in love with Neil Malhotra. I acted as I haven’t said anything to him ever. Every day I watched his dark black eyes and wished I could be reason to have spackle in them.But…..We can’t live with But , right?
Sighing, I started to read my notes while seating in Cafeteria.
“So Sam you coming with us , right? “ Nandini asked.
“where I’m supposed to going ?”
“Shopping with us, Silly” Radhika responded
“I’m sorry but I can’t… you guys carry on….” I wasn’t in any mood to go for shopping with them.
“Oh God…have you forgot? Next week there will be farewell party..so we need to buy a gorgeous dress for that…” Rosie said
Farewell party? No. I’m not prepared.
“Sorry, I’m not attending it..I don’t want to stand in a corner or tony hitting on me continuously. I’m staying at home and will watch good movie…”
“you aren’t going alone, Sam…” Radz said
“If you guys forget then let me remind you…. I don’t have any dance partner with me…..”
“Actually You do have….” I turned to look at the direction of voice and found Neil staring me back. “ I was supposed to ask to you about this at morning….”
Is this happening in real with me? Is there any possibility that sun rose from west?
“Sam, would you be my partner in Farewell party? “
I don’t think how badly I wanted him to ask this question, but I had a feeling that Radhika and Nandini forced him to do that. The three were looking at me blankly.
Radhika’s voice brought back me to the present and I found Neil was still waiting for my answer
“Neil, you don’t have to do this for me…You can find someone better than me…I don’t need your pity…”
“I would never pity you, Sam..There isn’t any girl whom I want to make my partner other than you….” He smiled at me. How could I say no to that smaile?
“If you really want this Neil..I will go with you…” I said smiling back
Radhika and Nandini squealed in happiness. But how would I will handle myself into pretty dress, high heels and make up. The best part was that I was going to spend whole time with the guy who I dreamt of…
Next: A Night to remember….
So what you guys think about Farewell party? Will Neil able to change is mind? Will he able to fall in love with Sam, when he will saw her in her stunning glory?
Stay tunned…Please Comments….Thank you so much for Your support and Love!!
Your comments made me smile..so keep them coming…Love you all!!