“Chhuk chhuk gadi” he uttered with his teary eyes looking at me and then at his cell phone, which he threw a moment before. “Bihaan” I don’t know when my cheeks got wet. “Why are you sitting here?” asked I moving my fingers to his wet, bearded cheeks. God…again a wound, this time near his lips. I caressed it with my thumb when he moaned, but still gnashing his teeth showing hatred towards himself. “Bihaan” lifting his head through his chin, I grabbed his attention towards me. I wanted to make him stand but he pulled me to sit in front of him. “Chhuk chhuk gadi” he said as he used to. “Are you drunk!!” I fumed. But this really wasn’t the big deal at the moment. “Thaank youu” he uttered between his tears, again. My confused gaze were seeking the answer. “Bihaan… You are not in your senses. Go home or call someone to pick you up.” said I, grabbing his thrown cell phone. “Noo please… Not todayy” he said with so much of stammering!! Again throwing the phone, thankfully it’s not broken, but he is.
I don’t know how to make him understand in this situation. “OK fine… Come with me” I ordered. I think I should vanish the thought of taking him to my home. Maa will probably kill me for this and even he will!! After all he respects Maa a lot and this time, he probably don’t knows what he’s doing!! If I’ll take him to her it might decrease his dignity among her. And then I’ll be unable to make understand any of them!! “No…” his innocence grabbed my attention towards him. “Had you forgot to reply a yes?” I taunted with a slight funny tone. He smirked lifting his eyebrows up “I wishh…” he said while his painful smile ached my heart.
He made me sit behind him. I was surprised about what he’s doing!! But I was helpless… He, not at all, was listening me! After forming a posture, he held my hands, softly.
I think it’s the right time to know about him. I might be sounding selfish… But his mystery is killing me now. “Bihaan… Who are you?” asked I. “An orphann” he’s not looking at me, he’s just holding my hands as if I’ll leave him in this darkness. His reply compelled my eyes to pour more. “Bihaan…” I was about to fire my next question when “Ssshhh” he placed his wiggling forefinger on his lips which were going rounder more and more. After I asked him about what he’s doing, he placed his forefinger now on my cheeks, and gazed me with a confusion. He managed to place his finger on my lips and sighed a little after completing his task. “you sspeak too much!” he declared. I removed his finger and placed his hand on my lap, again. “What are you doing here at this time??” I finally asked one question of my big list. But he’s not listening me. He’s busy in playing with his and mine fingers. “You arre verry nicce” he said still playing with fingers. His innocent behavior stopped me to yell at him. “What do you want this time? Neither you are going your home… Nor even calling anyone to pick you!! What do you want?” my tone was not rude, but practical it was. “Youu” he uttered with his innocent smile. My shocked gaze again fell on him on listening his “you”.
“I need youu Thappki… I love youu” he said without any hesitation, just because he was drunk. I stood abruptly to go away of him. This time his smile can’t help me to control my anger. “Thappki” he placed his hands on my shoulders. I turned to him and saw him struggling to stand. I held him assuring not to fall.
“I need youu” he said again. “Are you mad?” I yelled. “I don’t know anything about you!! You…” I tried to continue but he again shushed me.
“Do you want to know who Bihaan Pandey is?” his tone was turning painful again, but this time I can find him angry too.
He sat or should I say, fell on his knees. “Bihaan Pandey is an orphan, a sin, a murderer and…..” I can’t see him broken like this. “…. A toy” he stated punching with a hatred on ground. “But finally he stated he’s a murderer!! I was right about him” my mind fumed but my heart was silently looking at this Bihaan, a broken one.
“Do you want to know more?? Even I want my answers about myself!!” his angry scream is scaring me. “I want to know WHY?” he managed to utter between his sobs and anger. “Why sshould this heartt remain lonely?” he questioned with his fist beating his chest. “Why sshould I live in bits?” I don’t know what he’s trying to say, but I didn’t knew he’s so emotional at heart !
“Why sshould myy soul suffer in this way?” he broke down with his hands covering his face. Something cracked in me. What he meant I don’t understand.
“I just need you Thapki…just you.” he stated between his cry. “Yes I’m selfish… Did you heard that… Bihaan Pandey is selfish cause he wants your support, your help, your love, your care, You…!!” he cried joining his hands in front of me. I moved near him and sat in front of him. “Bihaan” I can’t control my tears. “don’t forget you are B phor Bihaan Pandey!! You are very strong. And so many times you fought for me!!…” I tried to motivate him caressing his arms, but he seemed much angry on himself. “I’m useless… Thapki Bihaan Pandey is a useless toy!!.” he murmured and after a powerful punch on ground, his fist started to bleed.
“I love you Thapki… Please be with me” he pleaded with his increasing snivels. “Do you know… I had a good relationship with darkness!!” he said with the fresh bunch of tears caressing his pain. “This darkness is my childhood friend… Even though I’m scared of it… I never let anyone know.” he shushed again.
“You were the only one who made me acquainted with light” he was crying with his heart out, after placing his palm around my cheeks. “Bihaan… Why are you talking all this?” I was crying as well, when he hugged me. My eyes widened at sudden. “Thappki… Help me… Please be with me” he cried.
“I never thought of finding anyone like you… Don’t leave me into this darkness…. Help me Thapki” his hands were gripping more and more around my neck. His sobs were piercing in my ears, so painful, so innocent, like a small kid struggling to seek some love. “I findd myself alone without youu Thappki…” said he. I’m sure he didn’t had said all this without being drunk. I poured my eyes tightly, and caressed his neck, rolling my fingers around his hair. I was all speechless in front of his sobs, or should I say in front of this broken Bihaan.
“I’m with you Bihaan… But Please tell what is making you this much weak?” I asked continuously caressing his hair. “Save me Thapki… I’m suffering.. I don’t want to go to him… I want to be with you… Only you” I heard his sleepy voice on my shoulder. But what did he meant with “I don’t want to go to him?” what is he trying to say?
I broke the hug to find the answer when I found him dizzy. “Bihaan” I patted his cheeks to make his eyes open. He even tried to remain conscious. “Bihaan say… Whom are you talking about? To whom you don’t want to go?” I shook him but at last his head fell on my shoulder. “I need you… Just you” he murmured into my ears.
I called Dhruv after placing his head on my lap. “Hello” Dhruv finally picked the call. “Dhruv… Where are you?” I asked. “Ofcourse at home… But why did you called at this time? Is everything fine?” asked he. “No actually Bihaan is here… he was drunk and…” before I could complete “I told you stay away from him… He’s a murderer” he interrupted. “Come to take him home at least” I fumed. “Driver will come shortly.” he said and disconnected the call.