I am standing in front of my dressing table and shedding tears. I never thought my life would take such a drastic step. I had never imagined my life without him and now I was going to be married with someone else!!.. Everything little thing is different!
I was born with a silver spoon to a lovely mother and a possessive father and last but not the least a beautiful sweet sister. But no one was here beside me today, to hug me to console me, to help me out of those memories. I cried my heart out looking at my image on the mirror. It reflected my swollen red eyes. Though I tried to hide them it came out. But it doesn’t matter! People would think it’s because of my marriage and my grief of living my parents house.
“Ma please I beg I’ll die without Sanskar! I can’t marry please stop this marriage”, I cried hugging Ma.
“Shona beta! You know your papa na? He won’t agree! And it’s okay you have to get married one day or the other and even Ragini wanted this no? Moreover, it was you who said yes to the marriage. Did you forget??.. Till yesterday you were okay! What happened now??..”, Ma asked.
“Ma try and understand how I mean… How can I marry Varun??.. It would be injustice no? I love someone else and marrying a person whom…. Please Ma do something!!.. I want to see Sanskar!”, I cried again.
“Beta! I can’t help you. I am helpless! But Ha this diary may help! Read it and come down soon. Varun will reach anytime”, Ma said kissing my forehead and left.
I sat there hugging my knees and crying out. No one helped me. None! I gazed at the diary and opened it!
‘To Swara my lil sissy’
“I know you suffered the worst part of your life. But you always have been a brave girl. I know you are self sufficient now. But after a couple of years you will need a person who stands by you. Who gives you a shoulder to cry upon, who will make you smile!!..
You always said that you will stay happy with us. But now no one’s beside you. I also dont know till when I will be alive!!… I am counting my hours leaning onto the hospital bed. But I just want the happiness of my little sister. That’s why I’m writing this to you. I don’t think I have chance to live, I want to see you for the last time but I know I have no more of it!
I don’t want to see you alone in this world. Will you fulfill my wish…??? I know u will say Ansh is with you. But till how long…??? He will also be busy with his life and on seeing u sad and alone my soul won’t be at peace. Do you want to see ur dii sad after death??.. Don’t you want me to live happily over there. If yes then please move on in ur life…
I know this is very tough but try to forget all that as a bad dream and make a new relation with trust and truth as this is what is the basis of a relationship!!…
I hope u will give me the happiness of my sister’s life….
God bless you…”
I closed the diary and found myself and cried again!!!… I stopped thinking everything and sat on bed waiting for someone to take me down in mandap.
I recalled my recent meeting with him and cried again.
Just three days before I met him. He was attending a meeting that was to be held by me!!.. I never expected him here in Banglore. It was quite unexpected. After the award function papa had appointed me all the business works saying that he wants rest!!.. I had obliged!
I attended the meeting and saw him sitting with the other clients as soon as our eyes met. I couldn’t stop but stare at him. Four years!! Four years!! Weren’t short!!.. I had missed him each and every second. I could never deny that fact! I stood there until Varun shaked me and brought me back to reality. I started displaying the charts. I finally finished the meeting and ran out. He followed me and held my wrist and took me to his car. I don’t know why did I agree and followed him without hesitation. I did and we reached a park.
“Sanskar! What’s this? Why did you bring me” he stepped forward and cupped my face “Leave me! What are you doing??..” I yelled.
“Swara! I knew! I knew! You can’t leave me! I knew you are with me and always be!” he said holding his laboured breath and kissing all over my face.
I just pushed him apart and distanced myself.
“What the hell? What do you want now? What’s left?”
“I said you are left to compete me Swara! How can I be without you? You are my soul, my love! The best thing ever happened to me!!.. Swara I still love you! Don’t deny you don’t!!.. Because I know you still love me. Our love….” he stopped when I interrupted.
“You keep your cheesy lines with you Mr. Maheshwari. The day you left me and didn’t even bother to check me our love died that day! We have nothing left in between! Please! Go! And never show your face! When did your love go when you slept with that…. Sl*t….”
“Swara! I did a mistake!…. ”
“It was a sin Mr. Maheshwari… A big SIN”
“Swara! Believe me I still love you!” he said turning my face towards his.
“Believe!” I let out a small laugh and continued “believe! And whom? You?? It’s much better to believe an enemy then to believe you”
“Swara please! Don’t hate me!”
“Who am I hate you?? You are no one to me. So neither do I hate you nor do I love you”
“Swara you’re just angry so….”
“I am not…. You’re no one to me so why should I be angry??..” I spoke walking forward. He kept following me.
“Swara shall we leave??..” I heard Varun asking.
I turned to him.
“Swara please listen” Sanskar spoke.
“She won’t!” Varun said shielding me on his back.
“And who are you to tell me that?” Sanskar asked.
“I’m her fiance” he said and caught my wrist and we drove off to my place.
“How did you…” I spoke to know how he came to know about Sanskar and me.
“I saw your tensed faced” he said looking into my eyes and I saw something different in those eyes. It had ‘fear’ . But for what??..
“I’m sorry” I mumbled an apology.
“Sorry? For what??..” he asked looking at me.
“For coming out with him” I was scared at how he’ll react.
“I don’t mind! As I know you’ll never do the same mistake again”
I stared at him for a while…
“Staring is rude Ms.” he winked at me making me blush….
My trance broke as Ma came. She hugged me and said something, I was least interested in!!..
I reached the mandap and the rituals began. I just followed what Panditji asked to!!.. Varun adorned my neck with the auspicious Mangalsutra and filled my hairline with vermilion. I closed my eyes to feel the new start of a new relationship!!.. I hope I can fulfill my duties as a wife and as a friend and I also would be successful in whatever I do in our future.
I looked up-to Ma-papa, they were in tears. My eyes followed everywhere and I saw him yet again!!.. When will my past leave me??.. ‘My IRRETRIEVABLE Past’
Whom do you want as Varun? Do you want Varun Kapoor as Varun Oberoi or Sanskar Maheshwari?? Come-on comment faster!!.. If you want Ff to continue keep commenting….