Because her smile is what matters to him.
13 January 2016
No matter how much she insults me and berates me, one smile — just one smile — and she makes it all right.
For the first time in days, I looked at Anushka and didn’t think that she was high on anything. She seemed perfectly sane and in control of her senses. But something about her still seemed a little off. She did not seem like the cute girl-next-door that she used
to be. The careless attitude was still there.
I felt like going to her to talk. But something stopped me. Something told me that she was still not willing to listen. I was actually nervous to talk to her.
Over the last few days, she has started to look a little strange. She applies something on her eyes that make them look all dark and evil. How can someone change so drastically over a period of a few weeks ?!!
Anushka has and there is no use denying it. It is right in front of me. I am insanely worried about her. And by the end of the day I decided that I would not keep shut any longer. It was time for an intervention. I could not see her destroy herself right in front of my eyes.
I decided I would tell her that Ranbir was wrong and she should leave him. But I did not get a chance. Before I could gather up my courage to approach her, she left. I saw Ranbir enter the office and I saw her leave with him. They were on a bike. There weren’t any helmets in sight. I hoped they did not get into any kind of trouble.
I had not seen her since that day — which was three days ago — and I had been worried out of my mind. If something had happened to her, I would never have been able to forgive myself. I could have stopped her from leaving with Ranbir that evening,
but I was too much of a coward to take a stand against what Anushka wanted.
I did not want her to be bothered with my stupid concerns again. I had been restless the entire day. Both their phones were switched off. I could not help but think of what all could have happened. All kinds of gruesome images were popping up in my head. I was going out of my mind.
Finally, I gave up and went to Ranbir’s flat. His parents had gone out so I waited there. I just wanted Anushka to be all right. I wanted to make her understand what’s right and what’s not. I didn’t know how to go about it.
I called Sakshi a few times, but she didn’t pick up. She has been avoiding me lately. Then I called her from Ranbir’s landline and she picked up. She said she was busy and would call me back later.
A little later, Ranbir’s parents returned and told me he had gone to Coorg for a few days. I left their place. I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad about it.
Last night, as I passed her room, I heard her voice. I am sure it was her. It could be no one else. No one else can chirp like her. I wanted to knock on her door, but resisted. It wasn’t just her chirp I heard. Ranbir was there too.
I went to the office today, though I did not want to. But I needed something to do, so I could distract myself. And then, I saw her. I was amazed at first. She looked clean, almost like herself, like she did before we made the biggest mistake and came to
Bangalore. Except that there were dark shadows beneath her eyes and her eyes were a little swollen due to lack of sleep.
How was I to know that those circles were an indication of darker times to come ?!!
And then, I decided to go talk to her. Luckily, I was at the water cooler, when I heard her meek ‘Hi’ from behind me. I turned and smiled, after the initial shock of being face – to – face with such prettiness faded. We stood silently for a short while, after which she asked me how I was doing. We made small talk for a few more minutes before going back to our desks.
And when I got there, I found a tissue paper lying on top of my keyboard. It had one word — Sorry.
I smiled and met her eye over the computer screen. She smiled back. Things are getting back to normal. I am glad. I am happy today.
After a very long time, Anushka let me come close to her. Though she still did not really talk to me, I saw her eyes twinkle again, the voice chirp again. I saw her lips curve upwards and a little colour flood her cheeks. She looked adorable.
I wish I could see her again tomorrow.
28 January 2016
Sometimes you have to undergo a lot of pain to realize what’s right and what’s wrong. As she endures that pain and fights for every breath, I hope she realizes. I have had my share of pain and I don’t mind taking away hers.
It was three hours past midnight when the policeman called me. When he told me Anushka was in hospital, I thought it was just one of my bad dreams. I had been having similar nightmares for the last few weeks.
But then, after a while, it registered — it was really happening. Over the past few weeks, Ranbir and Anushka had been missing office regularly. On other days, when they did come to office, they used to be in a disheveled state.
A few days back, Anushka had even asked me for money. I knew what she wanted it for so I politely refused.
I rushed to the hospital to find both Anushka and Ranbir admitted there. Drug overdose. Cocaine with dangerous levels of alcohol in their bloodstreams. While Ranbir was shifted to the general ward just a little while later, Anushka stayed in the ICU for more than six hours.
The flashing red light had been sucking the life out of me and killing me slowly. I could not hold it back any longer. I had to call and inform her parents about it and so I did. They freaked out and left from the UK within two hours. They had no idea about all this happening behind their backs.
And that was when I had told them nothing about it. I had told them it was a one-time thing. An accident. She had never had drinks or done drugs before. I hoped they would not lose their daughter.
I hoped I would not lose my reason to live.
But outside the ICU, I was alone. It was a sixteen – hour flight from London to Bangalore. All I did was pace around the waiting area and curse myself for letting it happen. I had been a coward. I hated myself.
Finally the next morning, twenty – eight hours after she had been admitted, we got the news that she was out of danger. It had been some hours since Anushka’s parents had reached. All those hours, her mom had cried, while I had tried desperately to hold back my tears. We had been up all night.
She had been talking to me about her. She told me all about Anushka, right from when she was a fat little girl. Some of it I already knew. A lot of it was news to me. I had kept listening.
The doctors said that Anushka had suffered kidney and liver damage, which was irreversible, but she would live. When her mom stopped crying, I took her slowly towards where Anushka lay.
She looked at her and cried some more. It was a depressing sight — the white bed, Anushka in a hospital gown, needles sticking out of her, her uncombed hair and the strange, sickening hospital smell.
Anushka’s dad stood in front of the ICU, looking at her still form. And then he looked at me, as I tried to console his wife. His eyes told me he was grateful.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Anushka. She looked weak. Frail. Her complexion was chalky. I could not bear to see her like that, but I kept looking. She was alive. It was enough for me.
Today, it has been three days since the drug overdose incident. She is still in the ICU. The recovery of her kidney would take a lot of time. Full recovery is impossible. I have been watching her from a distance for the last few days. But I went to see her today.
There was a police case filed and they were both recommended to a rehabilitation centre. Her parents wanted me to tell her that. I slowly entered her ward and stood at the foot of her bed. She looked up and saw me. Then she looked away.
She kept staring blankly at the wall for all the time that I was there. I sat next to her bed and told her about what was supposed to happen. She is to be shifted to the rehab in a few days and so is Ranbir.
As I described the details, she kept staring at that favourite wall of hers and crying. I did not like the tears that were flowing from her eyes on to the pillow. But I could not do anything to stop them.
She did not look at me even once.
When I left the room, I felt her eyes follow me.
I wish things are better tomorrow.
I wish I could see her tomorrow.
Precap : I Love You !!
Drugs are bad. No matter how good you feel when you are high, drugs and alcohol are killers. Yeah, Everyone of us can have a single go at them during our youth but getting addicted to them is the worst thing.
I know its sort of a depressing Chapter so the next one will have Kaira and Keesh’s flight romance to compensate for this one.
Do comment. Keep smiling. Keep watching Yrkkh !!