When they grow apart………
26 December 2015
I can live with the fact that she doesn’t love me, but the indifference in her eyes is something I can’t bear.
This morning, I could see her lying unconscious on my bed, right in front of me. I had been looking at her for an hour, trying to comprehend why a girl like her would need to change herself for anyone. She is as perfect as they come. And yet, because of a Guy she was doing this to herself.
And as I was reminded of him again, I could feel only one emotion — fury.
Ranbir is even worse than I had expected. I wonder why I did not see this before. How did it fail to register in my brain when I first met Ranbir that he was a detestable man ?!!
Maybe it had. But I must have disregarded it as a feeling of envy. But no, it was not just envy that made him look like such a loathsome creature. It was the fact that he actually was a loathsome creature. It is strange that I had come to Bangalore so that Anushka could spend more time with him. Such a blunder.
Anushka had called me last night after quite a few days, and asked me to take her home, since Ranbir and she could not locate his car and Ranbir was on the verge of passing out. Thank God.
Had they found it, I shudder to think where they would have ended up. By the time I reached there, she was unconscious — yes, she had passed out owing to too much drinking — but safe.
Ranbir was barely holding on. I dropped Ranbir to his flat and brought Anushka to my room.
I waited for her to get up. I had some questions to ask her. But when she got up, she had no answers for me. In fact, she was ruder to me than she had ever been, in all the time I have known her.
When I asked her why she got so sloshed, she refused to answer in clear words. She said it was none of my business and that she was not a baby. She added that if even she took drugs or smoked weed, I shouldn’t be concerned. It was her life, her decisions and she could take care of herself.
It felt funny coming from her, because a little while back, she did not seem capable of taking care of herself. And now, suddenly …
This is all because of Ranbir. I do not have much experience with relationships but I know this one thing — girls go blind in love. THEY SIMPLY CANNOT SEE.
Just like Anushka seems unable to see things clearly now. I should not have let this happen. It was my duty to try and help her. I had to make her understand.
So I tried to, but she did not listen. She asked me to mind my own business and stop interfering in hers. She asked me to go away. She said she did not want to see me. But no matter what she says I love her and would not stop taking care of her.
I wish I could see her tomorrow
3 January 2016
As long as she talks to me, even if it is to reprimand me and curse me, I don’t have a problem. But I will have one if I don’t see her being a part of my life.
It had been a few days that Anushka and I were in that argument at my flat. I tried talking to her the day before yesterday and we again ended up in a fight. Not really a fight, actually. Considering that I did not say a single word after starting the conversation.
It was more like — she was shouting at me and I was listening. I was obliged to tell her the truth when it stared at me straight in the face — Ranbir was not a good person.
After that one episode in which the two of them had gotten sloshed and I had brought an unconscious Anushka home, it has become a routine. Just that, now she does not call me to take her home. She does not come home. She passes out before making the call and ends up in someone else’s house.
That day I told her in very clear words that I did not think Ranbir was right for her. And this is all I said. She got mad at me. She shouted at me and accused me of being boring and forcing her to be the same. She said that I act like someone from a different century, that it was conservative of me to object to something as small as drinking and smoking.
And then, she said the most hurtful things she could have — that I am a sadist and that I simply cannot bear to see her happy. That I always try to sabotage her happiness. When all I have wanted, all this while, is to see her smile.
Yes, I saw her today. I was sitting in my cubicle, trying to concentrate on the computer screen when I heard her chirp. I looked around to see her enter the office and take a seat in her cubicle. Our eyes met for a fraction of a second, before she looked away.
I guess she still does not want to see me. But I did. I kept looking at her for a few more seconds. She looked prettier than usual. Although a little tired. And careless. Her now-straight hair was all over the place, her shirt was not properly tucked in and she was not wearing her stilettos. It seemed like she had not taken a shower.
It scared me a little to see her like that. But what scared me the most was her attitude. It seemed like she did not care about anything in the world. It was as if she could not be least bothered with such mundane things like looking presentable in office, and for someone like Anushka, always very neat and proper, this was new.
A little later, I saw her rubbing her eyes and yawning. After dropping her bag at her desk, she made her way, staggering a little, to the washroom. I followed her. I was a little worried about her first, but then I realized that I might just be getting paranoid.
Maybe she had been out late last night and had not gotten proper sleep. As simple as that. And then, when I passed her in the corridor, our eyes met for a brief moment. Her eyes were vacant. Oh. She was stoned, high on something, weed or worse.
When I saw her from up-close, I noticed her eyes again and the stagger in her step was evident. I was concerned. But I knew saying anything to her would only result in another earful from her. So I restrained.
I wonder if this is going to become routine. I wonder if whatever she is smoking, inhaling or injecting would become a regular thing. Would she be just the way she was today, tomorrow ?!!
I wish to see her okay tomorrow.
Precap : The next stop of the Journey !!
As promised here is another update for the day. It’s the 35th chapter peeps. Another milestone. Another ‘Thank you’ to all of you. You are the best.
Don’t have much to say as I am already very sleepy. So see you all tomorrow with another update. Goodnight.
Do comment. Keep smiling. Keep watching Yrkkh !!