Because the past always messes up with the present and future.
8 November 2015
Why should it matter if someone else touched her in the past ?!! Does it hurt because she has been violated and is impure ?!! Or does it hurt because she was in love with someone other than me ?!! For me, it’s the latter.
There must be a bond greater than friendship between us that made Anushka talk about her previous relationships today. Anushka’s voice quivered as she told me about the guy, her best friend in school, whom she had loved with all her heart.
I asked her if she still had feelings for him and she shook her head. But I knew something was wrong and I insisted. She said I would judge her if she told me everything and I made her believe that I wouldn’t.
Anushka was the house captain and the guy was the vice-president of the students’ council — it was a match made in, well, ninth grade. They held hands, made handmade cards and did their homework together.
As years went by and innocence became more of an abusive term than a virtue, intimacy started creeping into their relationship. This was in eleventh grade. In twelfth grade, Anushka got pregnant. It wasn’t until her second month that she got worried and realized that something was wrong. The guy developed cold feet and asked Anushka to ‘manage’ on her own.
Anushka’s close friend, Ranbir, a handsome boy whom Anushka had always liked, came to her rescue. He had just started college then and was more mature. Ranbir helped Anushka get an abortion. Her eyes had tears as she narrated the incident that could have left anybody emotionally scarred for the rest of their life.
I could only imagine what she must have gone through. She was only sixteen—an age where young girls start to have minute little crushes—and she went through an ordeal which could have withered even the sanest of adults.
I told her that she is the bravest girl I have ever met and she smiled at me. Her hand grazed past mine, leaving me short of breath, and then she held it and thanked me.
She told me that she had not been able to share this with anybody else. I am sure she
tried to imply that I was special to her. She doesn’t say it, but I am sure she wants to.
Maybe she will do so tomorrow.
She had to leave today, so she did, and left me behind, missing her. I am sure we have a connection.
Or else why would she share something that she has not shared with anyone else ?!!
I wish I could see her tomorrow
13 November 2015
What do you do when the person you love the most loves someone else ?!! Do you stop loving that person ?!! Or do you love that person even more ?!! It’s the latter for me.
Anushka called me yesterday. I wish she hadn’t and I wish yesterday didn’t exist. I have never been inclined to meet any of Anushka’s friends and she had never asked. But when she called me and pestered me to meet a friend of hers, I knew I had competition.
The person had to be really special. Even before I met him, I had only contempt in my heart for him.
I saw him, the second special person in Anushka’s life, and I was not happy with what I saw. He had tiny fingers, I noticed, but apart from that, he looked like what everyone labels as Boyfriend Material.
He stood well over six feet tall, had a sharp jaw line and a sinister bad boy smile. He told me he had just graduated and was working with a big bank in Bangalore. He used to be a neighbour of Anushka’s in Delhi before he relocated with his parents. He should have been in Bangalore right then, but he said he couldn’t and told Anushka — while I stood there and hoped he wouldn’t say what I feared he would — that he missed her and couldn’t stay away. He told her that he had come just to meet her.
It turned out that Anushka had always been in love with Ranbir, she tearfully admitted, and Ranbir had broken up with his girlfriend because she couldn’t bear Ranbir being so close to Anushka. Their teary reunion and confession of love brought tears to my eyes too, though my reasons were a lot different from theirs. But I am not that selfish. I would still love her and be happy for her.
It would take a lot more than Ranbir to make me not love her. And anyone would say that Anushka and I would make a better couple than Ranbir and her. Ranbir is too tall for her.
As they sat in front of me and held hands, shared private jokes and anecdotes from their days in Delhi, I felt jealous. The only silver lining to the dark cloud was that he left today. He had to rejoin work and he said he would be back soon. I am not looking forward to that. I don’t know whether it’s my mind playing tricks, but Anushka looked even more beautiful today. Had I been Ranbir, I would never have left.
Anushka looked happy and I was happy for her.
They were made for each other. They were perfect. They were the best of friends and had seen some tough times together. It’s a perfect fairy tale. Ranbir loves her too. It’s evident in the glint in his eyes and the warmth in his touch. Ranbir deserved her. And she deserved him.
I was an outsider the day I had started stalking her, and maybe that’s how it’s going to be. Anushka asked me to start dating someone too. I tried not to tell her that she was the only one I wanted.
As I sit on my bed and write this, I can feel a few tears trickle down my cheek and wet the diary in which I am writing. I plan to be okay tomorrow.
We are meeting again. She wants to catch a movie though she is not sure whether she can bunk her class.
I wish she does. I don’t know if I will be as special to her in the days to come as I am now.
I wish I could see her tomorrow.
Precap : The journey to Bhopal. When Karthik cant take his eyes off Naira.
So here’s the second update of the day.
Yeah, so none of the characters in my FF are perfect. All of them have their imperfections and a messed up past. But then its how they overcome from their mistakes and live the rest of their life happily and without any regrets, is what the story is all about.
The next chapter will be a kaira exclusive one with their cute romantic moments. Stay tuned.
Do comment. Keep smiling. Keep watching Yrkkh !!