Pure and untainted Love.
1 November 2015
What good is intimacy if you don’t love the person you are intimate with ?!! I have never understood it and I never will.
Anushka is slowly taking over my life. She is all over my internet space too. I added her on Google Talk and the little green light, whenever I see it, makes my day. Today, we talked about relationships, even though I wanted to avoid it. I wasn’t scared about telling her about my past relationships, I have nothing to hide, but I was scared to know about hers.
Anyway, we started to talk and she wanted to know everything about Sakshi, my first girlfriend. She was Pappus ex-girlfriend. Sakshi and I came close when Pappu and I had drifted apart. Pappu was a big flirt and I don’t blame him. When you’re young and popular, it’s hard to stick around in one relationship.
I was surprised when one day Pappu, drunk and out of his senses, abused me, and told me that I had snatched his girlfriend away from him. Anyway, Sakshi was short, very fair and quite nice. I had really started liking her. We were together for two years and broke up in twelfth grade.
She was in St Thomas and the school had really strict rules for twelfth grade students. We didn’t get much time to talk and be together. So we split. It was nothing unpleasant. We were friends for long even after the break-up. But we haven’t seen each other for long. I
think I should call her one of these days.
Anushka was surprised, even chuckled, when I told her that I hadn’t kissed Sakshi, or any other girl for that matter. She didn’t believe me when I told her that I felt physical intimacy is something that should be shared only between two people in love.
And I know I love Anushka — not because she is pretty, has beautiful eyes and smells like the first blossom of spring. I love her for the person she is. The way she crinkles her nose when she sees a beggar on the street, how she closes her eyes whenever we cross a holy place, how she listens to whatever I say and acts empathetic, the list goes on and on. There are many reasons to love her and not one to not.
I have never shared anything about my life with anyone. Somehow, I have always maintained the bully exterior while inside I have been a little boy craving for love and attention. Anushka asks questions and things about me that no one else has ever asked or
Today, she asked me about my parents and why I never talked about them.
My relationship with my parents was not always strained. I had spent a considerable time at boarding school, but the years of separation is not why I am angry; I am angry for Alia.
Alia is my sister. She does not exist for my parents, though she means everything to me. Alia was eleven and I had just turned fifteen when she was brought into our house. It was a few months after that man had been crushed to death under the wheels of the speeding truck.
I was told that her biological parents, my maternal uncle and aunt, had died in a car crash, and Alia had suffered severe brain damage. Her growth had been stunted and she couldn’t talk or even walk like us. She was confined to a wheelchair and could only smile.
For all practical purposes, she was dead. I had never met her before. They used to live in Dubai. The first time I set eyes on her was at the airport. She was in a wheelchair. She smiled at me and we forged an instant bond.
I used to ask many questions in those days. Why couldn’t she talk ?!! Why couldn’t she walk ?!! Why does she just stare and smile ?!! That’s all Alia did — she smiled. She was virtually dead for everyone, but not for me. I spent that summer sitting by the side of her wheelchair, holding her hand and talking to her. Everyone else thought she had only one smile, but I could count millions of different ones. I knew what each of them meant.
I told her everything and her smiles were the only responses that mattered to me. We used to spend hours together and she was the very friend I needed. She was the treasurer of all my secrets and my guiding light.
But a few days after my vacation ended, my parents packed her off to a mental asylum. I did not know about this until two months later. I fought, cried and threatened, but nothing worked. They were not going to get her back. I cried for days on end.
Then I stole some money and visited the asylum in Gandhi nagar, Gujarat. It took me two days and five buses to reach there. When I first saw her in the mental asylum, her body weak, frail and slumped over the wheelchair, I cried uncontrollably. I asked her to take care of herself and promised her that I would see her every fifteen days, and in return, she smiled as if to tell me that she missed me.
Ever since that day, no matter how busy I am, I go to that place every fifteen days to meet my sister, my only family. My relationship with my parents has not been the same since. I am not sure whether they realize this or not and I don’t care. I love my sister and she is all that matters. I wish to shift out of my parents’ house and get her out of that place. I don’t like her being there alone.
I told Anushka all this and she cried. She said that I was a nice person and that she was lucky to have me as her friend. I saw no sense in that sentence. I was the lucky one, not her. It was four in the morning and she had to sleep, but she said she would try to meet me tomorrow.
I wish I could see her tomorrow.
3 November 2015
I would never want her to be referred to as my girlfriend, a term too polluted and often abused, because she is much more than that. Why call her anything else when she has a name so beautiful ?!!
Every day I find myself more in love in with her. Every day that passes by draws me closer to her. Over the last so many days that we have been talking, I have been meaning to ask her what I mean to her, if I do mean anything at all.
I want to ask her whether she sees me as a potential boyfriend, but I will not, because I don’t believe in the terms ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’. These terms are too frivolous and are just used to introduce people. I believe more in the word ‘soulmate’. It makes so much
When you’re in love, it’s meant for life, isn’t it ?!! If not, then what defines love ?!! A cup of coffee shared together ?!! A drink ?!! A night of merriment and intimacy ?!! I don’t think so.
I am not in a hurry to propose to her because that’s another thing I don’t believe in. I just want to tell her that I love her. If she loves me, it’s okay. If she doesn’t, I can’t force her. I don’t know how to put this across to her.
Yesterday, we bunked our classes and went for a quiet lunch, just the two of us. She ditched her zillion other friends for me and it felt nice. Apart from feeling wanted and loved, it tells me that I am important to her. I really don’t know where this relationship is heading, but I have a good feeling about it. I don’t know what she means when she looks at me and says she’s glad she found me, but I know that somewhere in her heart, she feels the way I do. It could be a fool’s dream but it makes me happy.
What I feel for Anushka is very different. I love her. That’s the only emotion she evokes. I
just want to be with her and hear her talk and listen to her. Everything else is incidental and unnecessary.
I don’t think a kiss shared between us would in any way be superior to a long conversation between us. Having said that, I don’t think I will turn down a kiss either.
She wanted to tell me something today. She said it is serious and I would judge her and leave her. She is silly. The only thing that can make me leave her is she herself.
I wish I could see her tomorrow.
Precap : When Naira gets to know about the Diary.
A short update for you all as I will be posting another chapter by mid-night. So this chapter has two notes from the diary. While the next one will have Naira getting to know about the diary and why Karthik is behaving strange since the blast. What do you think her reaction will be ?!!
I also loved yesterday’s Yrkkh episode. Such a cute episode it was apart from some scenes. Love Keesh. Also Naksh and Gayu joking to Naira about Dadi’s behavior and Kaira’s talk about the video where dadi is eating kachori was too cute. Loving these cute and sort of funny scenes.
Do comment. Keep smiling. Keep watching Yrkkh.