You lie sometimes to keep your loved ones happy and near you.
“Hey, what’s up ?!!” I call up Naira and ask.
“Nothing much. You tell me. You’re on a road trip, not me. Missing me much ?!!” She asks a question who’s answer will always be yes.
“A lot.” I say honestly.
“Aha. Naksh isn’t interesting enough ?!!” she teases.
“He is busy making out with Keerti.” I add after a pause.
“What ?!!” Naira asks.
“It’s her birthday today. She turned eighteen and came over.” I answer.
“But !! I thought they don’t talk.” Naira says.
“Seems like they do.” I state.
Naira sounds pissed off. She hangs up to call Naksh who doesn’t pickup. Naira calls me
back and tells me that Naksh is an asshole and I should tell him that. She tells me that I’m responsible for it too and disconnects the call in anger.
It’s not my fault, but I still send her a text saying I am sorry and I will try to be better.
I again have nothing to do. I don’t know how long Naksh would keep on with that kid in the room. I walk the streets of Dehradun, clutching the diary of the dead man. I finally have a lead, and I feel good about it.
Who knows ?!! Maybe I’m just a phone call away from getting to Anushka.
5 October 2015
If there is one truth that could make the person you love never talk to you again, would you tell him or her ?!! I would rather not.
This time every year, I am haunted. I feel like a monster today. I don’t want to go to college. I would like to keep myself away from her. At least today, I want to be miles away from her.
I am a different person now, but the day still haunts me.
I was in ninth grade and things were going good for me. I had always been good in studies, but those days, I had my growth spurt and I was one of the biggest guys in class. I was still seen as the guy who had attacked three seniors and the respect for me was intact.
But as I grew taller and stronger, I became a bit of a bully. No one questioned me and what I said had to happen. All teachers were big fans of mine and used to disregard any complaints against me because I scored well.
Slowly and steadily, all the arrogance turned into anger. I used to be furious all the time and made quite a few enemies. I was used to being alone and enraged.
The summer of that year, I went back home for my vacations. My parents noted a change in me, but as it always happens, if you’re scoring well, no one cares. They gave me their old car to drive around during the vacations.
I met all my old friends and, needless to say, they were all impressed. I was taller, smarter, lived in boarding school and drove a car. That day we were all at a friend’s place and he had bought an entire bottle of vodka. None of us had tasted it before.
I, being the man amongst them, took the initiative and gulped down the contents of my glass. It was terrible, but I didn’t let it show. A little later, a few of them started puking and we had to stop drinking.
I left his place because Mom kept calling incessantly and wanted me to come home as soon as possible. As I put the car into gear, I could feel that something wrong was going to happen, even though my house was barely a five-minute-drive away.
The images had blurred. The road looked like a wavy black river. As I drove, a truck kept honking and flashing its lights behind me. The horn was irritating and I decided not to let him pass. Seconds later, the truck and I were racing, and trying to leave each other behind.
A few kilometers down the road, there was a blind turn. Both of us had slammed on our brakes and turned sharply. I had noticed that there was a man at a distance standing in the middle of the road. He would jump out to safety, I had assumed.
Three seconds later, the man had frozen in front of our headlights. He didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to stop and be defeated.
I pushed the pedal all the way down and whizzed ahead of the truck. Seeing me come faster at him, the man jumped out of my way and right in front of the truck. The truck driver didn’t want to be beaten either. The man was crushed under the wheels of the
I looked in the rear-view mirror. The truck had stopped. The driver got off the truck. He looked around, panicked, held his head in despair, got back into his truck, and drove away in a mad frenzy.
I drove back home. I didn’t even go and see if the man was dead. I was scared. I was fifteen. I had killed a man. I was a monster. I thought no one saw me that day. I was wrong.
God saw everything that had happened and punished me in equal measure when I first met Alia, a few months after that day. What happened to her is totally my fault.
Anushka will never know this. I will never tell her. She is a gentle soul and I don’t
think she will ever talk to me if I tell her this.
I wish I can see her tomorrow. I wish she doesn’t see the monster in me.
17 October 2015
It’s amazing how promises like “I will be there” are made and broken in a matter of days. For me, though, promises are meant to last forever.
I have not dated in a very long time. Unless I am in love, I see no point in dating. I am not dating Anushka, but I am certainly in love with her.
We had gone out today. For the first time we had met somewhere outside college. She asked me if I drink and if I had ever tried it. I shook my head and told her that she shouldn’t try it either.
I have never tried a drink since that day. No matter what happens, I stay away from it.
But Anushka wanted to try it today and I shot it down. Seeing her face droop made me regret that day even more.
There is no such thing as drinking responsibly. The moment the first drop of alcohol enters your bloodstream, I have seen what can happen, and I will never be a part of that again.
Anushka’s fascination with my days in boarding school has not died down and she asked about my schooldays even more today. I told her about Pappu and our days in the football team.
Anushka asked who was a better player and I said Pappu. He was way better than me, but since I was the more aggressive one, I was made the team captain. Though we always won matches because of him.
I can’t really say when we drifted apart. I guess he had problems with me being chosen as the captain. And I used to be a little jealous that he always scored well.
Also, he was the better-looking guy, scored better marks and was everyone’s hero. He was revered in our school and by the girls from the boarding schools nearby whereas I was just an angry bully who was somehow good academically.
Anushka asked me to call Pappu and mend things with him. But it has been five years now and we haven’t talked. And I don’t think we would.
I can’t call him. He must have even forgotten me. But I have not. I don’t know why I am talking about all this.
Anushka. She makes me think and talk about all those things that are a part of my past. I love the way she rests her chin on her knuckles and hears me talk.
I wish I could see her tomorrow.
Precap : She is coming with us. She is not coming with us. Haridwar. Karthik – Naira’s cute conversation.
Yeah, I know it’s a short update but then that’s all I could manage right now. My fever has not gone down yet and I feel like doing nothing else except sleeping. I am so glad that it’s a Sunday tomorrow and I can sleep all day.
Also thanks for all your wishes and care in the last chapter’s comments. All the affection that you shower on me makes me feel really special. Thank you again.
Also the next few chapters will be about Karthik, Naira, Naksh and Keerti. Will be keeping the diary at bay for some time as I guess it has become quite intense. Some fun moments and hot romance coming up your way. Stay tuned.
Do comment. Keep smiling. Keep watching Yrkkh !!