Jokes To Lighten Up Your Mood!
There were three guys who got into a taxi. The driver knew that they were drunk and so he pretended to start the engine. After starting the engine, he then turned it off again.Then told the men that they have reached their destination.
The 1st guy gave him the money he asked for, while the 2nd guy said, ‘Thank you for making us reach the destination”. Next, the 3rd guy slapped him hard on his face.
The driver was in shock since the 3rd guy seemed to know his trick. However, he still asked what the matter was only to be told, ‘Control your speed the next time, as you nearly killed us with your speed of driving!”
Two actors were sitting on a bench. One asked the other, ‘how long has it been since you had a job. The other replied, ‘It’s been 32 years, and how about you?”
The first actor replied, ‘That’s just nothing. I haven’t had a job for nearly 40 years. So this guy said, ‘look one of these days we have to get out of this business too!”
Macy went into a Catholic Church crying. The priest, Father Robert O Malley, walked up to Macy and asked her, ‘what is the matter with you child?”
Macy replied, ‘My husband died last night”.
Father Malley felt bad about the unfortunate incident and said, ‘It is better you keep crying and let out your pain. It is indeed a tragedy. But, do tell me Macy, did he have any last words for you?”
For which Macy replied ‘Yes, he did father”.
‘So tell me what were they?”, asked Father Malley.
‘Nothing, he just told me to put the gun down”, exclaimed Macy.
George went into Wal-Mart and he couldn’t find his wife. He then went into the first long isle to look if his wife is there. By the time he got to the third isle, he saw a man on the other end of the aisle doing the same thing.
He walked up to the man and asked, ‘Are you looking for your wife just like me?”
The man responded, ‘Yes I am”.
Then George asked him, ‘So what does she look like?”
The man immediately replied, ‘Well she is 36, 24 and 36 and what does your’s look like?”
George said, ‘Don’t bother, let’s look for yours.’
This is one of the best jokes regarding a rich drunk and a poor drunk. The difference between a rich drunk and a poor one is that, the rich one always prefers to tell his problem to a psychiatrist, whereas the poor one tells his to a bartender.
Teacher: ‘Anyone who thinks he’s stupid can stand up!”
Nobody stood up.
Teacher: ‘I’m sure there are some stupid students out here!!”
Little Peter stood up.
Then teacher asked, ‘Oh! So, Peter you think you’re stupid?”
Little Peter said, ‘No ma’am, I just felt bad that you’re standing all alone.”
Kid: ‘Did God make you Papa?”
Father: ‘Yes, he certainly did.”
Kid: ‘And, so he did make me too?”
Father: ‘Of course, he did.”
Kid: ‘Well, he’s certainly doing better, as he’s going along, don’t you think so?”
Guy in a library walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
Librarian responds, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?”
Guy says, “Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
“That’s disgusting — don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.
After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
Q: Which flower talks the most?
A: Tulips, of course, because they have two lips!