Ishqbaaz- Dil Bole Oberoi- 3 Shots by Luna ( Last Part)

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Hi ishqies, I’m back with third and the last part of this FF….as I said this FF is a spoof, on the show making fun of these characters. So don’t take this FF seriously. Here’s the link of previous two episodes:

Part 1
Part 2

Scene: ACP Ranveer enters the police station along with Shivaye, Anika, Om, Rudra, Soumya and Gauri. Shivaye is very angry on ACP for arresting all of them.
Shivaye: Fhat the wuck ACP!!!!! Tumhari himmat kaise huyi mujhe arrest karne ki??? Main tumhari wardi utarwa doonga.
{Shivaye: Fhat the wuck ACP!!!!! How dare u arrest me???? I’ll take off your Uniform.}

ACP(arrogantly): Main police ki wardi pehenta hi nahi toh aap utarwaoge kya??? Mujhe paasand hi nahi hai. Mere style ke saath match nahi karti
{ACP(arrogantly):If I don’t wear uniform, then how will u take it off. I don’t like it. It doesn’t goes with my style}

Shivaye(furiously): bakwaas band karo…mujhe call karna hai…mera phone wapas karo.
{Shivaye(furiously): Stop speaking nonsense…I want to make a call…..Give me my phone}

ACP: aapko apna Phone toh abhi milne se raha….thane ke phone se call karna hain toh kar sakte ho.
{ACP: U can’t get your phone….If u want to make a call through Police Station’s phone, then u can do.}

Shivaye gets a relief after howling like a wolf.
Shivaye: Fine…great…where is the phone???
ACP: thane ka phone abhi kharab hai…subah electrician aa kar bana dega…toh aap subah phone kar lena…theek hai????
{ACP: Police Station’s phone is damaged. Electricain will repair it in the morning….so u can make the call in the morning, okay??}
Shivaye(shocked): Fhat the wuck!!!! Aur subah tak kya karenge???
{Shivaye(shocked): Fhat the wuck!!!! And what will we do till morning???}
ACP: Subah tak tum sab jail mein sadoge.
{ACP: Till morning, u all will stay in jail}
Shivaye(shouts in full nasal voice): Fhat the wuck!!!!!! U r mad…completely mad…Shivaye Singh Oberoi ko tum jail mein daloge??? Tumhari itni himmat??? Tum jaante nahi ho main kaun hu…aur kya kar sakta hoo.
{Shivaye(shouts in full nasal voice): Fhat the wuck!!!!!! U r mad…completely mad…u will put Shivaye Singh Oberoi in the Jail??? How dare u???? U don’t know who am I and what I can do}
ACP: Filhaal aap chillane ke alawa kuch nahi kar sakte….thoda kam chillaiye…awaaz baith jayegi…phir subah kaise phone kijiyega????
{ACP: For now, u can do nothing other than shouting….shout less….you will become hoarse…then how will u make the phone call in the morning}
Shivaye gets completely mad and again shouts in such a nasal tone that we literally don’t understand anything and only hear screaming of cats and dogs, which was actually coming out of SSO’s mouth. No one understood a bit of what Shivaye is saying , and only giving what the f**k expressions.
Anika(to Shivaye): oh ji, ab bas karo…kitna chillaoge?? Meri toh kismet hi phooti thi jo maine aapse shaadi ki….aapki wajah se mujhe doosri bar jail ke darshan ho rahe hai.
{Anika(to Shivaye): oh ji, plz stop it…how much you will shout??? It’s my bad luck that I married u…..Because of u, I’m going to jail for the second time}

Rudra(shocked): doosri baar??? Bhabhi, aap pehle bhi ek baar jail ja chuki hai???
{Rudra(shocked): second time??? Bhabhi, u have went to jail before also???}

Anika(to Rudra): haan….pehle bhi ek baar ja chuki hoon….aur pehli baar bhi tumhare bade bhaiya ki wajah se gayi thi.
{Anika(to Rudra): yes…I’ve went to jail before also…..and before also, I went to jail because of your big brother}

Rudra(getting excited): That is awesome….how cool.
Shivaye(shouting at Rudra): Just Shut up!!!!! Rudra…ye sab tumhari wajah se hi ho raha hai…tumne hi ho woh chori ki car kharidi thi na??? ab tumahri wajah se humein ek raat iss jail mein bitani padegi.
{Shivaye(shouting at Rudra): Just shut up!!!!! Rudra…..all this is happening because of u…..u only bought that stolen car na???? now because of u, we have to spent one night in this jail.}

Anika(to Shivaye): Ye toh aapne bilkul theek kaha ji…Rudra, tumhari khopdi mein ghaas hain ya gobar??? Dimag toh ho nahi sakta…dimag hota, toh kisi bhi anjaan ladki se gaadi nahi kharidte.
{Anika(to Shivaye): they you said completely true…Rudra, is there grass or cow dung in your head???? It can’t be brain….If u had brain, then u wouldn’t had bought a car from an unknown girl}

Rudra(making puppy face): arre maine toh mana kiya tha…Ye O ne hi mujhe bola, kharid le…punya milega…maine kharid li.
{Rudra(making puppy face): arre, I was refusing to buy it …O only told me, to buy it….we’ll get happiness, so I bought it}

Swami Om(calmly): Haan, aur humein mila bhi bahut saara punya.
{Swami Om(calmly): yes, and we also got happiness}

Anika(furiously to Om): haan, woh toh dikh hi raha hai…tumhare aur Rudra ke saath-saath hum sab ko bhi kitna punya mil raha hai…..Jail mein chakki peesne se bada punya aur kya ho sakta hai.
{Anika(furiously to Om): yeah….we all can see that….along with u and rudra, we are also getting so much happiness….what can give mre happiness than staying in jail and grind}

Shivaye(seething): bas ek baar woh ladki mujhe mil jaaye jisne woh chori ki car bechi thi…toh
{Shivaye(seething): Just once I get that girl who sold the stolen car…then..}

Anika(suspiciously): toh kya??? kya karoge agar wo ladki mil jayegi toh???
{Anika(suspiciously): then what???? what will u do if u will find that girl???}

Shivaye(seething): I’m gonna kill her.(Shivaye bangs his hand on the table in anger and everyone gets scared)
ACP(to Shivaye): arre mera table kyu tod rahe ho?? Pehle se hi bahuth kamzor hai
{ACP(to Shivaye): arre, why are u breaking my table??? It’s already very weak.}

Anika: wahi toh…suniye ji..agar aapko itna gussa dikhana hai toh jail mein jakar deewar mein apna sar phodiye.
{Anika: yeah….listen…if u want to show your anger then go the jail, and break your head in the walls}
Shivaye(shouts at Anika): tumhara dimag kharab ho kya??? Tum iss ACP ka saath de rahi ho??? U r mad….completely mad.
{Shivaye(shouts at Anika): have u gone nuts???? U r taking side of this ACP???? U r mad…completely mad.}

Anika(Shouts back at Shivaye): arre dimag aapka kharab ho gaya hai…..ab haath todo ya sar phodo…kisi se bhi kuch hone wala hai nahi…kisi kaam ke nahi ho aap.
{Anika(Shouts back at Shivaye): it’s you who has gone nuts….now nothing can happen doesn’t matters if u break your hand or your head…u r completely useless}

Shivaye(angry): tameez se baat karo, Shivaye Singh Oberoi se baat kar rahi ho tum.
{Shivaye(angry): talk to me with respect…u r talking to Shivaye Singh Oberoi}

Anika(to Shivaye): Agar aap Shivaye Singh Oberoi ho toh main bhi Shivaye Singh Oberoi ki biwi hu. Aur kaun hai ye Shivaye Singh Oberoi??? Baat toh aise karte ho, jaise America ke President, Osama ho.
{Anika(to Shivaye): if u r Shivaye Singh Oberoi, then I’m also Shivaye Singh Oberoi’s wife….and who’s this Shivaye Singh Oberoi???? U talk as if u r Osama, the President of America.}

Shivaye(frustrated): Osama nahi, Obama…okay.
Shivaye(frustrated): Not Osama, he’s Obama…okay.
Anika: haan wahi, bas ek akshar mein hi galti ho gayi thi, baaki woh President toh hai na!!!
{Anika: yeah…that only, it’s just a mistake of an alphabet….He’s the President anyways}

Soumya(to Anika): Nahi di..ab America ka President Donald Trump hai…Obama nahi.
{Soumya(to Anika): No di…..now the President of America is Donald Trump…not Obama.}

Anika(irritated): arre Osama ho ya Obama, Donald Trump ho ya Donald Duck…. koi bhi ho President…mujhe usse kya???
{Anika(irritated): Osamaor Obama, Donald Trump or Donald Duck…whoever is the President, what I have to do with it???? }

Swami Om(starting his pravachan): Anika….tumhe in sab cheezon ka gyan hona chahiye…gyan se bada dhan iss duniya mein aur kuch nahi hai…jis vyakti ke paas, gyan ka sagar hai, woh vyakti iss duniya ka sabse dhanvaan vyakti hai…gyan ka koi mol nahi…woh bilkul anmol hai.
{Swami Om(starting his pravachan): Anika…u should have the knowledge of all these things….there’s no bigger wealth than Knowledge in this world…the person who has the sea of knowledge, is the richest person in this world…there is no price for knowledge…it’s priceless}

Anika(confused): mol??? Anmol?? Kaise hai ye bol??? Mujhe toh kuch bhi samajh mein nahi aaya.
{Anika(confused): price??? Price less???? What are these words??? I didn’t understood anything}

Shivaye(frustrated): Aur samajh aayega bhi nahi….Om ki bhasaha samajhne ke liye tumhe Ramayan, Mahabharat padhni padegi.
{Shivaye(frustrated): and u will also never understand…For understanding Om’s language, u will have to read Ramayana, Mahabharata}

ACP: Ramayan Mahabharat lockup mein padhna…..bahut ho gaya tum sab ka family drama…baki sab drama jail mein karna….(to the constables)daalo in sabko jail mein.
{ACP: Read Ramayana, Mahabharata in the lockup…enough of your family drama….do rest of the drama in the jail….(to the constables) put all of them in the jail}
Shivaye(again shouts in nasal voice): galti kar rahe ho ACP
{Shivaye (again shouts in nasal voice): you are doing a mistake ACP}
Shivaye again starts shouting like a constipated cat, and no one(including us) understands anything, what he’s saying. While Shivaye was shouting, Ishana enters the police station along with few other constables, arrested. Shivaye, Om and Rudra get shocked seeing Ishana
ACP(to the constables): ye ladki kaun hai???(referring to Ishana).
{ACP(to the constables): who is this girl???(referring to Ishana).}

Shivaye{to Ishana(shocked)}: Tum??? Tum yaha kya kar rahi ho????
[Shivaye{to Ishana(shocked)}: u ???? what are u doing here????]

Constable(to ACP): Sir…issi ladki ne woh lal gaadi churayi thi…gadi ke maalik ne bhi confirm kar diya hai….usne iss ladki ko car churate huye dekha tha.
Constable(to ACP): Sir…this girl only stole that red car….the owner of the car also confirmed it….the owner saw this girl stealing that car.

ACP(shocked): Aisa kaiseho sakta hai???
{ACP(shocked): How is that possible????}

Shivaye(to ACP): ab ye confirm ho gaya na ki humne car nahi churayi thi…ab humein jaane do.
{Shivaye(to ACP): Now it’s proved na, that we didn’t stole the car…now let us go.}

ACP: Itni jaldi nahi Mr Oberoi…..zaroor ye ladki(referring to Ishana) tumhare gang ki leader hain.
{ACP: Not so soon Mr Oberoi…..This girl(referring to Ishana) must be the leader of your gang}

Shivaye(shouts at ACP): Fhat the wuck!!!!!! Gang???? Are u crazy????Shivaye Singh Oberoi ka koi leader nahi hain….hum beghuna hai, humein jaane do.
{Shivaye(shouts at ACP): Fhat the wuck!!!!!! Gang???? Are u crazy???? There is no leader of Shivaye Singh Oberoi….we are innocent, let us go}

ACP: kaun beghuna hain aur kaun nahi, ye court mein prove hoga, aur jab tak tum sab ko bail nahi mil jaati….tumlog kahi nahi jaoge.
{ACP: Who’s innocent and who’s not, it’ll be proved in the court…..and u all are going nowhere until u get a bail}

Shivaye again starts shouting in nasal voice, and again we only hear cats and dogs screaming.
Swami Om(in an emotionally choked voice): Ishana??? Tum(you)
Om and Ishana look at each other and share an eye lock. Both smile looking at each other, and there face glows up.
Om (starts singing): Pyar hua, ikraar hua hai, pyar se phir kyu darta hai dil.
Ishana(she also sings): darta hai dil, rasta mushkil, maloom nahi hai kaha manzil.
Om(singing): Pyar hua, ikraar hua hai, pyar se phir kyu darta hai dil.
Shivaye(gets irritated and shouts at Om and Ishana): Fhat the wuck man??? Why the f**k are u both singing???? And who the f**k sings such old songs.
Rudra: wahi toh…itne purane gaane kaun gaata hai??? Arre aaj kal ke latest gaane gao, baby doll, kala chashma, something like that.
{Rudra: True…who sings such old songs…arre, sing some new songs like baby doll. Kala chashma, something like that}

Anika: arre chodo na…naye ho ya purane…kitna achha scene chal raha tha….(to Shivaye)kyu ji…aapko beech mein taang adane ki kya zaroorat thi…khud toh romance karte nahi ho mere saath…upar se koi aur karta hai, toh bhi itni michmichi hoti hai????
{Anika: leave it na…old or new…such a good scene was going on…(to Shivaye)…kyu ji…why did u interrupted in between???? U don’t do romance with me and if someone else does, why u feel so much michmichi}

Shivaye(irritated): mich…fhat the wuck??? What’s that language???
Anika: isse Hindi bhasha kehte hai.
{Anika: This is called Hindi language}
Shivaye: Nahi….isse Anika bhasha kehte hai….Anika’s language…iski na ek dictionary banni chahiye…ye jo words hain na. michmichi, tadi, bagad billa, uh….aur kya tha??
{Shivaye: No…this is called Anika’s language….yeah, Anika’s language…a dictionary should be made on it…with these words… michmichi, tadi, bagad billa, uh….and what else??}

Rudra: bhaiya,chant…raita
Soumya(to rudra): duffer Oberoi..Raita Hindi word hai.(Raita is a hindi word)
Ishana(looking at Gauri): ye kaun hai???? Aur prannath(referring to Om)…ye aapke saath itni chipak kar kyu khadi hai???
{Ishana(looking at Gauri): who’s she???? Aur prannath(referring to Om)…why is she standing so close to u???}

Swami Om(to Ishana): oh…ye meri bhakt hai.(she’s my devotee)
Gauri: Om ji…ee ladki kaun hai????(who’s this girl???)
Swami Om(to Gauri): ye meri purani premika hai.(She’s my old lover)

Ishana{to Om(shocked)}: purani??? Purani premika??? Prannath…main aapse kuch din door kya rahi…aapne ek nayi premika rakh li????
[Ishana{to Om(shocked)}: old??? Old lover??? Prannath…few days I stayed away from u…and u kept a new lover for yourself]

Swami Om: arre nahi nahi…main ab iss sansaar ki moh maya se oopar uth chukka hoon….ab main iss prem ke maya jaal mein nahi phasne wala.
{Swami Om: No no no….I’ve gone above these worldly pleasures…now I’ll not get in the trap of love}

Ishana: ye kya keh rahe hai aap…maine aapse sachha prem kiya hai….main toh aapko tan aur man se, pati parmeshwar maan chuki hoon…ab aap mujhe aise thukra nahi sakte hain.
{ Ishana: hat are u saying…I truly love u….I’ve made u my husband, by my heart and soul….now u can’t disallow me}

Gauri: Om ji…ab hum apne aap ko aur nahi rok sakte hain…ab humko bolna hi padega….hum bhi aapse sachha pyar karte hain(Everyone gets shocked hearing that, and mute button gets pressed in everybody’s mouth)….(Gauri starts blushing)matlab ekdum sachha wala pyar…jabse aapka photo humne dekha, tabse humre dil ki ghanti baj gayi…pehli najar mein hi aapse sachhi wala love ho gaya….aur hum jhoot bole the ki, hum bhaage the apne saadi se…uh…matlab, hum bhaage the, par kaaran kuch aur tha….humra dulha koi gunda naahi tha…arre oo toh bahute achha insan tha, Gandhi ji ka bhakt tha….par humra dil toh aapme hi than na(gauri gets more shy)…Om ji, ye toh aapki purani premika hai(referring to Ishana) humko apni nayi premika bana lijiye, humko na ghar ka sab kaam aata hai, jaise khana banana, saaf saphayi bhi karna aata hai…ghar ko ekdum chaka chak bana denge.
{Gauri: Om ji…now I can’t hold it back….no I have to say it….I also love u a lot(Everyone gets shocked hearing that, and mute button gets pressed in everybody’s mouth)….I mean, it’s really true love….from when I saw your photograph, bell rang in my heart…. I fell in love with u at the first sight…and I lied that I ran away from my wedding…I mean…I ran away from my wedding but the reason was something else….my groom wasn’t a goon….he’s a very nice man, he was actually a devotee of Gandhiji…but my heart was with u na(Gauri gets more shy)…Om ji, this is your old lover(referring to Ishana), make me your new lover, I know all the household work, like cooking food, washing clothes, I also know how to do cleanliness….I’ll make the house completely clean}

Ishana(shouts at Gauri in anger): oh hello??? Pagal ho gayi ho kya??? Prannath sirf mujhse pyar
Karte hain….Prannath, ye ladki aapko behka rahi hai….aap isse door ho jaiye.
{Ishana(shouts at Gauri in anger): oh hello??? Have u gone mad???? Prannath only loves me…Prannath, this girl is seducing u…u stay way from her}

Gauri(Shouts at Ishana): humka bhi Englis aati hai samjhi, panchvi class tak padhe hai hum…..agar tum Om ji se sachha pyar karti na, toh unhe chori ki gaadi nahi bechti.
{Gauri(Shouts at Ishana): I also know how to talk in English, okay. I’ve studied till class 5th….if u would have loved Om ji truly, the u wouldn’t had sold him a stolen car}

Shivaye(to Ishana): ya… true…tumne hi humein chori ki gaadi bechi thi na??? tumhari himmat kaise huyi aisa karne ki???
{Shivaye(to Ishana): ya… true…u only sold us that stolen car na???? how dare u do that???}
Ishana: wo jethji…maine nahi bechi thi…wo meri behen Mona ne bechi thi….wo apne jiju pe gussa thi, usse laga ki prannath ne mujhe dhokha diya hai, isliye badla lene ke liye usne chori ki Gaadi inhe bech di. Par mujhe jab iss baat ka pata chala, toh maine Mona ko bahut daanta.
{Ishana: actually jethji…I didn’t sold it….my sister Mona sold it…She was angry on her jiju….she thought that prannath has cheated me, that’s to take revenge she sold him this stolen car. But when I got to know about it, I scolded Mona a lot}

Shivaye(to Rudra and Om): aur tum dono ne iski behen ko nahi pehchana????(and u two didn’t recognized her sister????)

Rudra(to Shivaye): woh bhaiya….iski behen ne burqa pehna tha, toh humne uska chehra nahi dekha….wait a second, I‘m getting a deja vu…haven’t all this happened before??? Ishana ne bhi humein pehle aise hi car bechi thi na, aur humein jail bhijwa diya tha. Hain na O???
{Rudra(to Shivaye): actually bhaiya…her sister was wearing a burqa so we didn’t saw her face..….wait a second, I‘m getting a déjà vu…haven’t all this happened before???? Previosly also, Ishana sold us a car like this, and sent us to jail. Right O????}

Shivaye(furiously): haan!!!!! Aur tum dono ne wahi bewakufi dobara ki. (yes!!!!!! And u both did the same stupidity again)
Rudra(getting excited): yeah…..right…..and the car was also the same…that red car…Oh God!!!! I just love that car, it’s so stylish.
Shivaye(shouts at Rudra in anger): Just Shut Up!!!!! U both are big idiots(referring to Om and Rudra)…you did the same foolishness again???? I mean….seriously man…..tum dono certified pagal ho. (u both are certified retartds)
Rudra: Bhaiya main kya karta…wo car itni achhi thi…I mean, main jab bhi woh car dekhta hoon, sapnon mein kho jaata hoon, tab main kisi aur cheez ke bare mein nahi sochta.
{Rudra: Bhaiya….woud I have done??? The car was so good….I mean, whenever I see that car, I get lost in my dreams, then I don’t think about anything else}
Soumya(to rudra): Sochne ke liye dimag chahiye crybaby. (U should have brains to think, crybaby)
Rudtra looks at Soumya in anger.
Shivaye(furiously): aur Om tum?? Tum bhi sapnon mein kho gaye the kya???? (and Om u??? were u also lost in dreams or what???)
Swami Om(calmly): main toh sirf punya karne ke bare mein soch raha tha Shivaye, par mujhe iss baat ka bahut dukh hain, ki Ishana tumne abhi bhi chori karna nahi chhoda.
{Swami Om(calmly): I was only thinking about doing good deeds Shivaye, But I’m sad for this thing that Ishana, u have not left stealing things}

Ishana(to Om): pran nath ab main kya batau, mere paas khane ke liye paise hi nahi the….mere paas pehenne ke liye naye kapde bhi nahi the…makeup bhi nahi tha…meri toh haalat kharab ho gayi thi…footpath par sone tak ki naubat aa gayi thi…aur aapko toh pata hain….Footpath par sona kitna khatarnak hai… Salman Khan abi bhi bahar ghoom raha hai…..mujhe dar tha ki, agar main footpath par soyungi, toh kahi wo mujhpe gaadi chadha de.
{Ishana(to Om): Prannath, now what I tell u, I didn’t money to buy food….I didn’t even had money to buy clothes…I didn’t even had makeup….It was a tough time for me…..I even had to sleep in footpath…and u know na…It’s so dangerous to sleep on footpath..Salman is still roaming outside…I was afraid thatif I’ll sleep in footpath, then his car will come over me}

Gauri(to Ishana): Aeyyy!!!! humre Salman ke bare mein kuch mat bolna ha, bahut bade phan hain hum uske….uske bare mein hum kucho bura nahi sunenge haan!!!…Om ji, aap keh dijiye apni purani premika se, ki Salman ke bare mein kuch na bole
{Gauri(to Ishana): Aeyyy!!!!! Don’t say anything about my Salman, I’m a very big fan of him…I’ll not listen listen bad anything about him!!!!!…Om ji, u tell your old lover, not to say anything about Salman}

Swami Om(to Ishana and Gauri): Deviyon, kripya karke ladna band kijiye…..sach toh ye hai, ki main tum dono mein se kisi ka nahi ho sakta…main ab in sab cheezon se oopar uth chukka hoon…..mujhe toh moksha haasil karna hai…main prem ke maya jaal mein nahi phas sakta.
{Swami Om(to Ishana and Gauri): Deviyon, plz don’t fight…the truth actually is, that I can’t be with any of u…I’ve gone above these things,…I’ve to get moksha…..I can’t get in the trap of love}
Ishana(to Om): Ye kya keh rahe hai pran nath…maine to hamare baccho ke naam bhi soch liye the. (what are u saying pran nath….I even thought about the names of our kids)
Gauri(to Om): Aur humne toh ee bhi soch liya tha…ki saadi ke baad humlog honeymoon manane Kasi jayenge. (and I even thought after marriage, we’ll spend honeymoon in Kashi)
Swami Om(to Ishana and gauri): deviyon, samajhne ki koshish karo…main tum dono se vivah se nahi kar sakta….aur vivah ke bina sambandh sthapit karna, bahut bada paap hoga. (deviyon, try to understand…I can’t marry u both…and having a relationship without marriage will be a big sin)
Gauri(to Om): arre toh humse hi sambandh sthapit kar lijiye na, waise bhi aapki ye purani premika aap ke layak naahi hai…ee toh ek chor hai….aap itne bade Swami, aur aapki patni ek chor??? Kitne saram ki baat hai….aapki patni toh aapki tarah pavitra honi chahiye, (Gauri starts blushing)…bilkul humri tarah.
{Gauri(to Om): Then form a relationship with only me na, also ypur old lover isn’t worthy for u….she’s a thief….u r such a big Swami, and your wife is a thief???? Such a shameful thing….your wife should be pure like u(Gauri starts blushing)…just like me}

Ishana(to Gauri): Sautan…tum apna mooh band rakho…prannath sirf mere hain…hain na prannath(Ishana starts grinning in shyness) {Sautan, u keep your mouth shut….Prannath is only mine…right prannath(Ishana starts grinning in shyness)}

Om(looking up): hey bhagwan, mujhe ye kaisi duwidha mein daal diya hai???? Mujhe ab Gauri aur ishana mein se kisi ek ko chunna hai….ab main kya karoon??? aap hi mujhe koi marg dikhaiye
{Om(looking up): Oh God,why u put me in such a big dilemma???? Now I have to chose one girl between Ishana and Gauri…now what should I do??? Now u only show me a path}

{Rudra(grinning): Bhaiya, main toh kehta hoon, dono hi rakh lo…achha offer hain, ek ke saath ek free. (nhaiya, I’ll advice u to keep both..the offer is good, One free with another}
Shivaye: Shut up Rudra.
Swami Om: hmm. Tum theek keh rahe ho Rudra. (u r saying right Rudra)
Shivaye(shocked): fhat the wuck, really????
Swami Om: main dono hi rakh loonga…Ishana, Gauri….aaj se tum dono meri jeevan sangini ho. (I’ll keep both…Ishana, Gauri….from today onwards u both are my life partner)
Shivaye(shocked): jeevan…What??? (life…what??)
Anika(shocked): Phail gaya raita.
Rudra(shocked): main toh bas mazaak kar raha tha…ye ho kya raha hai???( I was just joking…what the hell is going on???)
Swami Om(calmly): aap sab itne hairaan pareshan na ho….main in dono ki bhakti se bahut prasan hoon….aur main in dono ko barabari ki shreni doonga. (u all don’t so worried…I’m very pleased by the devotion of these two….and I’ll give equal status to both of them)
Ishana: prannath…mere liye toh apka saath hi kaafi hain. (prannath…u r with me…that’s enough for me)
Gauri(to Ishana): aap humare pati parmeshwar bane, isse badi khushi ki baat humre liye aur ka ho sakti hain…bhale hi humein ye sukh kisi ke saath baatna pade( Gauri glares at Ishana, Ishana glares back to her.)
{Gauri(to Ishana): u become my husband, what can make me more happy than this??? Even if I have to share this happiness with someone else. ( Gauri glares at Ishana, Ishana glares back to her.)}

Shivaye(shouts in irritation): Okay just stop it….tum sab ke sab paagal ho. (u all are mad)
ACP(finally speaking up): ye sab ho kya raha hai???? (what the hell is going on here??)
Shivaye(frustrated): Mahabharat ho rahi hain….tumhe itni der lagi puchne mein??? (Mahabharata is going on….u took so long to ask????)
ACP: haan woh…Mahabharat dekhne mein bahut maza aa raha tha….Drama jari rakho…I’m enjoying it. (yeah actually…I was enjoying this Mahabharata…carry on this drama…I’m enjoying it)
Shivaye(shouts at ACP): Oh just shut up, okay…we are not here to entertain u.
ACP: theek hai, chalo toh dalo in sab ko lockup mein. (okay, then put all of them in lockup)

Anika(scared): uh..nai nai nai….Om, tum thode aur bhari bharkam dialogues bolo. Ishana, Gauri, tum dono ek dusre ke bol kheecho….(to Shivaye)aap chalo ji…mere saath ladna shuru karo…..aur Rudra…uh..tum beech beech mein punch lines maarte rehna…..aur Soumya…uh…tum kya karogi??? Uh… beech beech mein tum sabko gyan deti rehna…woh tum kya bolti ho??? According to this, according to that??? Ha jo bhi…bolti rehna…….sab ACP saab ko entertain karo, chalo, start.
{Anika(scared): uh..no no no…Om, say some more heavy dialogues. Ishana, Gauri, u pull each others hair…(to Shivaye) and u….start fighting with me…and Rudra….uh..u keep saying your punchlines at regular intervals…and Soumya,…uh…what will u do????uh…keep giving your knowledge to me, what do u say???? According to this, according to that??? Yeah, whatever…keep saying that….all wll entertain ACP sir, c’mon start.}

Shivaye{to Anika(irritated)}: he he he….tum theek toh ho…dimaag kharab ho gaya hain kya ???? ( he he he….are u fine??? Have u gone nuts???)
Anika(to Shivaye): ha ji… aise hi lado mujhse…par aur thodi tadi maaro na. (yeah…keep fighting like this…but show some more attitude na)
Shivaye{irritaed(to Anika)}: u r mad…completely mad.
Anika(to Shivaye): Haan….bilkul aise hi. (yeah…just like that)
ACP: chalo…bahut ho gaya…constables, dalo in sabko lockup mein. (c’mon….this is enough….constables, put all of them in the lockup)
Anika: Nahi nahi ACP saab, humlog aapko karenge na entertain…..mujhe dance bhi karna aata hain… Ishana ko bhi aata hain….mere pati ko bhi aata hai(Shivaye gives fhat the wuck expressions hearing that) Soumya ko bhi theek thaak aata hi hain…Gauri, tumhe aata hain????
{Anika: No no ACP sir, we’ll entertain u na…I also know how to dance…Ishana also knows dancing…my husband also knows(Shivaye gives fhat the wuck expressions hearing that) Soumya is also knows okayish dancing…Gauri, do u know dancing???}
Gauri: haan, oo humko Dabangg ka step aata hain (yes, I know that Dabangg step).
Anika: bahut achhe…chalo sab naachna shuru karo …Rudy, Om..tum dono bhi.(Perfect…c’mo, also start dancing…Rudy, Om…u both also)
Rudra(excitedly): bhabhi, main woh apni six pack abs dikhau???? (bhabhi, should I show my six pack abs)
Anika(to Rudra): haan haan… yaha ki women constables dekh ke khush ho jaayengi (yeah yeah…women constables will get happy)
Swami Om: Anika…mujhe naachna nahi aata hain. (Anika, I don’t know how to dance)
Anika(to Om): arre gaana toh aata hain na….woh hotel mein kitna achha ga rahe the….tum gaana gao….shayari to bol hi sakte ho na…ACP saab emotional ho jayenge shayari se.
{Anika(to Om): but u know how to sing na???? were singing so well in the hotel…u sing….atleast u can say shayari…ACP sir wll get emotional, hearing your shayari}
Swami Om: achha theek hain. (okay fine)
Shiavye(gets completely irritated and shouts at the top of his voice): WILL U ALL KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT????(now she speaks in an emotionally choked voice)….plz…plz….Oh God…Ye kis circus mein mujhe daal diya hain???? (why u put me in this circus) Plz save me… plz save me God(Shivaye falls down and goes unconscious).
Anika(to Shivaye): Oh ji…aapko kya ho gaya…utho…utho {oh ji…what happened to u..wake up..wake up }(slaps him lightly to wake him up)
ACP checks Shivaye’s pulse.
ACP: kuch nahi…bas behosh hua hain….behoshi mein hi daalo isko jail mein. (Nothing has happened….he’s just unconscious….put him in jail in his unconscious state only)
Anika(to ACP): ye kya bol rahe hain aap??? Inko doctor ki zaroorat hain. (what are u saying??? He needs a doctor???)
ACP: Doctor ki zaroorat nahi padegi…ek balti paani dalne se ye hosh mein aa jaayenge. (We don’t need a doctor….throwing a bucket of water on him will wake him up)
Anika: haan…good idea. (yeah…good idea)
Constables bring a bucket full of water.
Anika(to constables): lao…main paani phekti hoon…mere phekne se hi hosh mein aayenge. (give it to me…I’ll throw the water…He’ll wake up only when I’ll throw the water on him)
Anika throws the bucket full of water on Shivaye. Shivaye wakes up in one go.
Shivaye(not in his senses starts murmuring): uh…khoon, khandaan, sadak ka kooda, ganda khoon, Maya. (uh….blood, lineage, road trash, dirty blood…maya)
Anika(to Shivaye): hosh mein aao ji…(getting suspicious)hain?? Waise ye Maya kaun hain???? …. {come back ii your senses(getting suspicious) hain??? Who is this Maya???}
Shivaye(getting back in his senses): uh…wo…uh…
Anika(shouts in anger): Maine poocha Maya kaun hain??? (I asked, who is this Maya???)
Shivaye(scared): uh…woh…meri secretary… (my secretary)
Anika(furiously): Achaa…behoshi mein meri jagah, apni secretary yaad aa rahi thi???? (wow…u were remembering your secretary in your unconscious state instead of me???)
Shivaye(scared): uh nahi….wo…wo.
Anika(shouts at Shivaye): chup Raho!!!!! (shut up!!!!!)
ACP: bahut ho gaya tum sab ka family drama…daalo in sabko lock up. {enough of your family drama…put all of them in lockup( seriously, ACP was saying this for the 100th time…why are constables not listening to him??? Don’t ask me}
The constables finally put them in the lock up….Shivaye didn’t said a word to ACP, as now he has to deal with his wife first. In the lockup, Anika was shouting at Shivaye. Shivaye was silently listening to Anika, with his head down. Ishana and Gauri were glaring at each other without saying anything. Om was meditating. Rudra was checking out the lady constables. Soumya was murmuring, “according to a research in London University, blah blah blah blah……”
Suddenly, Prinku enters the Police Station. Everyone sees Prinku, and gets happy.
Rudra(smiling): Prinku…thank God tum yaha aa gayi, main bata nahi sakta, tumhe dekh kar mujhe kitni khushi ho rahi hain….agle Raksha Bandhan mein main tumhe Rakhi bandhunga. (Prinku…thank God u r here, I can’t tell u how happy I am seeing u here…next Raksha bandhan, I’ll tie u Rakhi)
Shivaye(getting a relief): Prinku…bade papa ne tumhe bheja hain na…plz hamari bail karao. (Prinku…bade papa sent u na….plz bail us out)
Prinku without saying anything to Shivaye or Rudra or anyone, goes to ACP.
Prinku(to ACP): Main ghar se bhaag aayi hoon….chalo ab bhaag kar shaadi kar lete hain. (I’ve ran away from my house….now lets go and get married)
ACP(to Prinku): haan chalo, yahi paas mein ek mandir hain, pandit ka intezaam maine kar liya hain. (yeah, right…There’s a temple nearby…I’ve arranged the priest)
Everyone gets shocked hearing that.
Shivaye(again shouts in anger): Fhat the wuck!!!!! ACP, I’ll kill u….Prinku, How dare u do that????
Prinku(to Shivaye): I’m sorry bhaiya, lambi kahani hain…main baad mein aakar bataungi….(I’m sorry bhaiya…the story is long…I’ll tell u later on)
Shivaye(shouts in nasal voice): Fhat the wuck!!!!! Prinku, stop…ACP…I’ll kill u(now we don’t understand what Shivaye is saying and only hear: wayong wayong wayong…. khoon khandaan…wayong wayong wayong …sadak ka kooda…wayong wayong wayong ….ganda khoon)
{Shivaye(shouts in nasal voice): Fhat the wuck!!!!! Prinku, stop…ACP…I’ll kill u(now we don’t understand what Shivaye is saying and only hear: wayong wayong wayong…. Blood lineage…wayong wayong wayong …road trash…wayong wayong wayong ….dirty blood)}

Anika(to Shivaye): Oh ji chup karo…woh nikal gaye hain…..woh toh shaadi kar lenge…par aap ek divorce lawyer ka intezaam kar lo. (oh ji shut up…they are gone…they will get married…but u soon arrange a divorce lawyer)
Shivaye(shocked): what??? Anika…plz, plz, plz….it’s not what u r thinking…plz….
Swami Om: Mera aashirwaad tumhare saath hain Priyanka…par vivah karne ke liye, tumne jo maarg apnaya…wo bahut galat tha…main iski kadi ninda karta hoon. (My blessings are with u Priyanka, the path u chose to get married, was very wrong…I totally discourage it)
Rudra(cries making a puppy face): ab mujhe yaha se kaun Nikalega???? Koi to aao bachane??? Koi hain???……(now who will get me out of here??? Plz someone come to save me??? Is someone there????)

THE END

So here this FF ends. What happened next, even I don’t know. Thank you for reading this crap and wasting your time(yes… it’s a really a crap…Now, even I feel it. If u don’t, then u r mad… completely mad.)

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20 Comments
  1. Superbbbb….my cheeks r paining after reading the swami om nd his 2 wives part….hilarious…

    1. Luna

      Thanks Bhavana

  2. Oh dear….. It is superbbbbbb….. Mai apni hassi ko rok nhi pa rahi hu.. Paglo ki tarah bs hasi ja rahi hu…..

    1. Luna

      Thanks Nikita

  3. Vincy

    OMG ????

    1. Luna

      Thanks Vincy

  4. Really superb one

    1. Luna

      Thanks Suganya

  5. DEAR LUNA..
    You AMAZING bahut MAZA AAYA aapki ff padke.THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR GIVING A SUPERB EPISODE.NOT CRAP EPISODE.THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT and BEST EPISODE.

    1. Luna

      Thanks Uf, I’m happy that u get entertained by my ff.

  6. Renimarenju

    Mera man roopi naav atyant hasi mein doob rahi hai……..
    Aapki karamaat [writing skills] anupam hai….{abb yeh mat poochna ki anupam kaun hai}
    Aur……i really wish i should say some thing in up dialect……
    But i don’t know….2 speak up dialect hindi…..
    But yeah i love 2 say in manorama’s style[iss pyar ko kya namm do -season 1] EE Kaa…Bahutee bootiphool likha hai…..Myself manorama…..Dear…..i forgot the style……of manorama mami….. else would have written more……
    By the way…..I enjoyed 3 shots a lot……Kaash romi devi bhi aati toh kya hota……Rudra dev ko chunti yaa swami omkara ko……Well i think u should work on it…….Any ways it has ended….
    But really want 2 read this cute crap again…..

    1. Luna

      Thanks Renima, koi baat nahi. Tumhari taraf se main khud hi apni taarif kar leti hoon, UP dialect mein. EE sasura humne kaisa ff likha hai??? humka to kucho samajh mein naahi aa raha hai. hum ka likhne baithe the aur ka likh diya. Ee kahani to humka bhi samajh nahi aaya. ek second, kahani thi hi kaha.bas neend mein ka ka type kar diya aur ee sasura TU team post bhi kar diya. Par chalo public khus to hum bhi khus. Well, u gave me good idea for FF. Thanks for it. If I’ll able to develop a story, then I’ll write an ff on Rudra dev and Romi devi’s love story. And I’ll make sure to give all credit to u in it, so that Rumya fans don’t kill me,lol

  7. M.Harshitha

    ????too funny

    1. Luna

      Thanks Harshitha

  8. I couldn’t stop laughing ?

    1. Luna

      Thanks Nana

  9. its hilarious….. loved it to the core

    1. Luna

      Thamks Anu.

  10. Nilash

    JUST LOVED TO READ YOUR FF IT IS AMAZING. IT WORKED AS A STRESS BUSTER TO ME. A LAUGHED A LOT AFTER READING THIS FF. YOU ARE JUST AN AMAZING COMEDY WRITER BUT PLEASE DO TELL WHAT HAPPENED THERE AFTER TO ALL THOSE IN THE JAIL. YOU WRITE THIS TYPE OF FF AGAIN PLEASE IT IS A VERY VERY VERY HUMBLE REQUEST PLEASE. NOW TRYING USE SOME SUDHH HINDI TO DO TARIFF OF YOURS
    tum to bahut hi khidki tod evam gazab ke lekhak ho. humara to pet hath me hi nikal kar aa jaataa but shukriya us rab kaa ki aisa kuch nahi hua. par tumko bhai sachhi ka jukh kar salam ye ff to bara hi sundar evam anand dayak hai aur haan dil se kah te hain apke dusre ff ke kaarnaamon evam anand ko upabhog karne ke liye hum beshabri se intazar laga kar baithe rahenge aur ant me bahut hi dhanyavaad.
    SORRY IF I’VE WRITTEN SOMETHING WRONG BUT REALLY IT IS AN AWSOME FF WILL SERIOUSLY WAIT FOR YOUR NEXT FFs

    1. Luna

      Thanks alot Nilash. Yeah, I’ll definitely write more funny ffs but this ff ends here only because I don’t know how to take this story forward. But I’ll write a funny OS on Shivika soon. I already have an idea in mind. I’m not getting time to write it as I’ve also writing another FF on IB. So I’ll write the OS on Shivika as soon as I get time. Writing a funny ff requires more time and effort,

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