Thank you so much Logesh for helping me in registering here.I am dedicating this part to you….
Everything is more than perfect in my marriage. But still I am not sure that I am happy….because I AM AFRAID OF MARRIAGE…yes I am AFRAID of marriage. It’s not like that I believe in live-in relationship because I consider live-in is also a kind of marriage….an uncommitted marriage.
My mom and dad are married its more than 30 years now. They care for each other. They complete every responsibility towards each other but still there is something missing in their relation. They still don’t have the comfortableness to speak with each other care freely, heartily. I am afraid ….afraid of this kind of relation, this kind of marriage.
My Buaji was married in a young age. After two months of her marriage her husband died. After that her in-laws send her again to her paternal house to her brother saying that she is a bad omen and because of her only their son died. I am afraid of this kind of marriage. I know my would be in-laws and I know they are not like this but this fear is with me from my young age….. from the time I have just started to know a man and a woman’s relation in life partner view.
It is not just one or two incidents because of which my view towards marriages or any kind of man-woman relation got changed which is related to other than blood or friendship relation. So obviously it’s not easy for me to accept this marriage so suddenly and happily.
I was in class eight when our senior Rupa di did suicide. She was in 11th. She was from a small village. She was in love with her senior Raj. They were in physical relationship. When she got pregnant he broke up with her. As in our society it’s a bad thing to get pregnant before marriage so after knowing Rupa di’s situation her family did her marriage to some one else and when her in-laws came to know about her pregnancy truth they kicked her out .
After that whole society came to know all these things. After that her brother and uncle tried to abort the baby but it was too late as she had already crossed her fourth month till then and after some days of this incident her family also kicked her out. She couldn’t take the disgusting look that she was getting from each and every one from the society and finally after giving birth to her child she did suicide. After that her family blamed Raj for her death and no one was ready to take the responsibility of the new born. Raj’s family just shown disgust toward the baby, they said it is not their blood…..they bad mouth about Rupa di’s character. After much discussion their village Panchayat gave the responsibility of the new born to his mother family and having no option Rupa di’s family had to take the baby with them. But the play of the fate changed everything and Raj died in an accident after six month. As Raj was the only son of the family after his death his family started the custody case for the baby. Other side after the insults that Rupa di’s family had to bear because of Raj’s family they also to take revenge started to use the baby as their pawn. The custody case is still in court, the baby is now 15 years old. He hates his father and his family the most.
Rupa di’s family was invited in my marriage, as her son now does part time job in my brother’s hotel.
Yesterday was my haldi function and I saw him there ….the hate, the rage that was inside of him I can see that in his eyes. He is just a teen age boy but the teen age boy is like died long before, the thing that is left now is just his body and which carry only hateness.
What is the meaning of this kind of relation where love is nothing but one more name of need and lust? I am afraid of this kind of relation. When I am single I at least have this power to ignore such relation but when I will get marry…. how am I suppose to ignore these things?
What if my husband lust over me? I know him from years and I know he is not a person like this…..but how do I fight with this fear of mine?What if he sees this relation just as a need? Or, what if he thinks me and our relation just as a responsibility? ……
I am afraid of this kind of relation …..I am afraid of marriage…..and after two days its my marriage. I am feeling so helpless……
Thank you everyone …..thank you soooooooo much for the warm welcome and lovely comments.Logesh said me that you people are so nice and I see the same …..you all are so friendly, lovely, welcoming…….thank you so much for liking and commenting on my previous update.
I hope you all will like this update too……pls do say me with your comments that what you think about this update.
And a big sorry for the grammatical mistakes …..