I crossed a date on my calendar. It was marked with red crosses everywhere. Except those last four dates. Four days more, and I was going to be back in London. Back to my old life. I had university to attend. I had friends back there. And I thought, maybe that life could take my mind off Manik.
I would be a big fat liar, if I said, I wasn’t in pain. I was hurting. Every piece of me, that had fallen into place in the last few days, was breaking again. The fact that he thought of me as some stupid and immature girl wasn’t hidden from me. To him, I may be that girl. But to me, it all made sense.
Back home, I was sitting on the kitchen counter. Crying and hogging on little dairy milks. I was down with five already and was eating the sixth one. I hadn’t even bothered to switch the lights on. I once read in a food mag – for a girl in depression, chocolate acts as her best friend. It was true.
Suddenly, the lights in the kitchen were turned on. I looked back to see my mother standing in the doorway. She looked horrified as she eyed the kitchen area. There were wrappers of chocolates thrown carelessly all over the floor. “What is all this, Nandini?” She asked.
“Wrappers.” I shrugged, now munching on a caramel bar. I probably had chocolate all over my face. Mom sighed and picked em up one by one. She knew, I wasn’t gonna do that.
“May I ask, why are you eating chocolates at midnight? You didn’t even have dinner.” She stated, crossing her arms across her chest.
“I wasn’t hungry.” I replied, getting down from the counter. This time, I made sure to throw the wrapper in the bin. I opened the refrigerator, looking for any more sweets to dine.
“We don’t have any more chocolates.” She said sternly. I groaned internally and slammed the door shut. I was craving for more and more. It was getting worse.
“Nandini, I know you’re worried about Manik.” She said. Not again. I did not want to think about him. I wanted to pretend like I never met him. But every person and thing around me, reminded me of him.
“Not now, ma.” I tiredly replied, checking the drawers for some snack.
“Honey, you have to understand that this stubborn behavior of yours is gonna lead you nowhere. You’re not only ruining your life, but you’re also ruining his.” She said. She knew the real reason behind me leaving this place. She was the only one who knew. Apart from Manik now, of course.
“Its not my stubbornness, ma. Its my belief. That if I stay with him for any longer, something’s gonna happen to him again!” I exclaimed, dramatically throwing my hands in the air.
“How can you be so sure?” She challenged.
“Him getting into an accident was not a coincidence, ma. It was a fu – freaking sign! Why can’t you see that?” I asked. I was so hyped up, that I almost pronounced the f word in front of my mother.
“No, I can’t. From where I can see all this, I know that you and him clearly love each other. And if two people love each other, there is nothing in this world that can stop them from being together.” She said. She sounded like a love expert.
Nevertheless, those words of her wanted me to change my decision of going back. Just for a split second, I thought that I was wrong. But then again, taking this risk and putting Manik’s life in danger was the last thing I wanted to do.
“That’s rubbish, ma. If I love him, I can love him from a distance. But you’ve to accept the fact that I’m a bad luck for him. I’ve almost lost him once. I can’t do that again.” I said.
She heaved a deep sigh. I sensed a mother-daughter heart to heart conversation coming up. She straightened her position before speaking up.
“I never told you, but, your dad and I too have had our problems. We’ve gone through some real tough times. There was a time, when I was stupid enough to let go off your dad’s love. I got carried away. You were only eight back then. But soon, I realized, that surviving without him is not possible for me. He is the man who has accepted me the way I am. No matter how much we fight or argue, we’ll always love each other. And there is nothing that can keep me away from him.” She said. I was completely unaware of this story.
“Today, I can see myself in you. That look in your eyes says that you’re dying to be with him. But you can’t. I have gone through this phase before, my love. And trust me, it sucks. I don’t want my daughter to go through the same patch that I’ve gone through before. I want you to be happy.” She said.
“I am happy. I will be at least.” I said bluntly.
“Don’t let go off your love. Because God is never so cruel to separate two people in love. Please, Nandini… don’t do this to him and to yourself.” She said, taking my cold hand in her warm one. I pulled back immediately.
“I’m letting go, because I love him. And I’m not changing my mind.” I said and started off to my room when I remembered something. I turned back and opened the top most kitchen cabinet to take out a packet of gummy bears.
“I always know your secret candy hiding place.” I mumbled, before sprinting upstairs with the packet.
I was sure, that nothing could change my mind. Nothing. . .
Its a small small chapter. Ikr! But I promise to make upcoming ones interesting with Manan moments. And also read my other Fanfic The Broken Strings. Its a story about two people who fall in love but . . . end up being broken. Thanks for reading!!
Credit to: Nish