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Guilt ( A RagSan FF) Chapter 49

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“Stop there” said Ragini looking at Sanskar through mirror who was approaching her when she was drying her hair standing in front of the mirror. He smirked and approached her and turned her holding her hand. He cupped her face and ran his index finger over her jawline and tucked her wet hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes. He approached her face more and her heart started thumping and she struggled to control herself. When his face was just an inch away she opened her eyes and pushed him with all her force and stood panting for breath. When she regained her wits she looked around and found Sanskar still on the sofa sleeping placing his hand over his forehead. “What is wrong with me?” she said placing her palm on her forehead and tried relaxing herself. threw the towel on table and headed out tying her hair with a clip.

Sanskar’s mobile beeped with alarm and he got up and looked around. He saw Ragini’s towel on the table. “Oh Bandariya had already taken bath” said he resting his head on his palm. He got up and approached the table and held the towel in his hand. It still had Ragini’s fragrance which always had made him lose himself. He touched his face with it and smiled. “I know Ragini you need time but you will surely be back to normal. And I will wait for it” he said and placed the towel back on the table and headed to washroom.

“Ragini beta” called DP. “Ji papa” said Ragini standing in front of him. “From today your sasu maa is retiring and you are taking her responsibility” said he and Ragini looked at him confused. “Ohho. Bring your hand forward” he said and Ragini complied. He placed the key bunch in her hand and she widened her eyes and looked at him shocked. “No papa. This is always maa’s right” said she and tried giving back the key bunch. “No beta you deserve it. I know you might feel I’m tying you to this house forever and I’m actually doing that. Because not only Sanskar we all cannot live without you. Can’t you forget whatever happened and start a fresh. It’s my request” said he pleading Ragini. “No papa. Don’t say like that. I agree I did wrong leaving home and ran from my responsibilities and I’m repenting for that but I did not had any choice. I became blind in my love for my kid.

But I cannot forgive Sanskar papa. I cannot. I might have forgiven him for whatever he did with me but I cannot forgive him for my Bhayyu’s accident and thinking about killing my kid. I cannot. But I will stay here as Bahu of this house” said Ragini and handed the keys back to him. “And you need not bind me with this I’m already bound to this house” said Ragini and headed to her room. Sanskar stood blank. “I cannot forgive him for my bhayyu’s accident and thinking about killing my kid” her voice ringed in his mind and he struggled to speak and headed to office without uttering a word. He knew how stubborn Ragini was and convincing her for something and specially to forgive someone was impossible.
“What is this. How did this happen?” said Ragini looking at the dressing table which was messed. She picked the towel and the Sindhur box fell on ground and scattered which she failed to notice and headed out of the room.

__________________________________x___________________________________________
“Kavi” screeched Ragini finding Kavya at door along with Yohan. She welcomed them inside the house smiling.
“Where is Sanky?” asked Kavya and Ragini became serious and said “He is gone to office. He will come after 6” “Okay” said Kavya. Yohan was about to speak but Kavya held his hand and stopped him and he looked at her confused. She assured him she will handle and he nodded his head. “Mumma see na Pari is crying very badly” said Ansh rushing down holding Pari who was sobbing. Ragini took her and said “You go change I will check” said Ragini and he nodded his head and headed to room. “Can I?” asked Kavya forwarding her hand to pick Pari. Ragini smiled and handed her to Kavya. As she rubbed her back she remembered her pregnancy and her miscarriage and a tear dropped from her eye. Pari cooled down and looked at her and smiled. Kavya kissed her face all over and sobbed. How much excited she was to hold her baby in her arms.

“Doctor it was girl na?” asked Kavya lying on her hospital bed after her miscarriage and the doctor nodded her head sad.

Kavya sobbed remembering her past. “Kavi” said Ragini caressing her hair and she leaned to Ragini and burst out crying bittery.

“She is so happy na? After a long time I’m seeing her so happy” said Yohan looking at Kavya who was playing with Pari and a tear dropped from his eye and Ragini placed her hand on his shoulder to console him.
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“Ragu. How much you love me?” asked Kavya when she was resting her head on Ragini’s lap in the evening after tea. Yohan was playing with Pari. Ragini smiled caressing her hair and said “I cannot tell you how much but you are my second kid after Shona dee” and smiled through her tears. “And how much you love Pari?” asked she and Ragini looked at her confused. “Kavi I cannot grade my love. I love her equally the way I love you and every other person in my life” said Ragini. Kavya got up and sat beside her. “Will you give Pari to me as my kid. Please Ragu.

I’m really craving to be a mom from ages I feel. Please” said Kavya and Ragini’s heart stopped beating for a second and she looked at Kavya shocked. “Kavi. What are you talking. You also will conceive bacha. How can you ask Ragini to give her baby?” asked Yohan kneeling beside her. “No Yohan I don’t think I can conceive again I’m scared of miscarriage again” said Kavya looking painfully at him. He was not understanding why did Kavya become so emotionally weak. Ragini was sitting numb. Her mind was blocked. The kid for whom she fought the world, her husband, her family and even her mom. Her best friend wanted to adopt that kid. Two most important persons of her life and both are equally important. She was blank. She did not knew what to reply. “Shocked?” asked Kavya shaking Ragini. She came back to her senses and looked at Kavya blankly. “I just told you to choose between two most important persons of your life and you are struggling. Do you even know how much Sanskar struggled?” asked Kavya smirking. Ragini looked at her confused. “I just want to adopt your kid Ragu.

You are lucky you went through only that dilemma. You can’t even imagine what Sanskar went through. You can’t even feel a pinch of his pain. You cannot” said Kavya and closed her eyes painfully. “What are you talking Kavya. He wanted to abort the kid as he was scared I will ignore Ansh and Ananya” said Ragini holding Kavya’s shoulder. “Who told you that?” asked she and Ragini replied “He himself confessed” “And you believed?” asked Kavya furiously. “Wah what love? You will not believe him when he wanted to tell you the truth and you believed his lies? Now whom should I blame for this complications? You or him?” asked Kavya and Ragini looked at her still confused. “He was scared to loose you Ragu. He was scared as your pregnancy could have taken your life” said Kavya and held Ragini’s shoulder and shook her. “No”gasped Ragini.

“I was scared” his voice ringed in her head. She remembered his nightmares and her eyes widened and she closed her mouth to control her scream. “You never felt it odd that you did not remember about your bhayyu and your most horrible memory?” asked Kavya and Ragini looked at her shocked. “You were suffering from a disorder where you will get deadly anger which will be as bad as it can burst your nerves and risky to your life. And it made your memory weak. Your Vikram Bhai’s memories were trigger point and you used to suffer due to it whenever you used to get attack and after you gain consciousness you used to behave normal” said Yohan and Ragini remembered her waking up after a headache and feeling weak and not remembering whatever happened. “And your pregnancy was risky for your life as your mood swings will worsen the situation if you remembered your bhayyu that time. That’s why he did not wanted to have kids Ragini. You know how difficult it was for him to cheat you.

Every time he thought about your reaction after you will come to know the truth, it made him weak. But he was determined to not to let you go out of his life” said Kavya. “I will not let you go away from me” she remembered him saying after they consummated their marriage and her eyes widened more. “And he did not tell you when you revealed that you already know the truth about Vikram bhai’s accident because he did not wanted to take risk without consulting someone” said Yohan. “Let’s abort this kid please we don’t want this” she remembered him pleading. Hot tears were flowing from her eyes continuously. “No” gasped Ragini and sat on the sofa with a thud.

“Two years of fake love how could you maintain Mr. Maheshwari”

“Please don’t go away from me I cannot live without you”

“I must say you are expert in faking love”

“Stay away from her” “Now you remembered she is also a life”

She held the edges of the sofa and pursed her lips painfully and cried bitterly. “Why didn’t I give him a chance. Again I did the same mistake. How much I hurt him. How much? How could I be so heartless. I can’t even ask him sorry. How much it might have pained him to say to abort the kid” said Ragini and closed her eyes remembering her rude behavior with Sanskar. “I don’t deserve him Kavi. I don’t” said Ragini and sobbed placing her head on Kavya’s shoulder when she sat beside Ragini. “If you run away from this you will never come out of it. You have to repent for what you did. You cannot change the past. Words and spears once left cannot be taken back but you can reduce the pain of bad memories. And you have to do this” said Kavya and Ragini nodded her head still in her embrace.

“Just be with me I don’t want anything” “Get lost. Tell him to go I have given him plenty of chances” “I love you more” everything was playing in her mind.
________________________________________x____________________________________

“Chotu why don’t you listen to anyone ha. You should always give a chance to explain” said Vikram running behind Ragini as she fumed and stormed inside their compound gate. “Don’t take that ass hole side now bhayyu. I told you na I can’t forgive him ever. You might have forgotten but I can never forget your bleeding forehead, never ever” said Ragini as she settled in her room. “That was past chotu. He was guilty of it and see now I don’t have that wound only.

How can you keep that in your memory still?” asked Vikram sitting beside her on her bed. “I said na I won’t forgive him that’s all” said Ragini glaring Vikram. “Okay fine. But will you listen to me?” asked Vikram. “Other than forgiving tell me anything” said Ragini still with zero expression. “Learn to give a chance to speak. You never know what the other person is going through. I know whatever Kishan did that day was wrong. But it’s not necessary that when someone hurts you they will do it with their wish. You have to place yourself and think how much it will pain them to hurt you. Always situations make people bad chotu nobody is born bad” said Vikram. “I will think of it” said Ragini and headed out of her room and Vikram kept calling “Chotu”
“I’m sorry bhayyu I’m the worst sister in the world. I did not value your words. I’m sorry” said Ragini looking at stars weeping badly and slid down the window.

________________________________x____________________________________________

“What happened Ragini beta? What are you doing here?” asked DP as he came to the hall. “Papa ji. Sanskar has not yet come. I checked with Tarun, he said Sanskar left office long back. I even tried calling him but he is not picking the call. I think he is angry on me” said Ragini worried. “Nothing like that beta. Let me call” said DP and dialed Sanskar’s number.

“Strange he is not picking my call also” said DP looking at his phone. “He is calling” said Ragini as her phone buzzed and received it smiling. In next second the phone slipped from her hand and she collapsed on the floor. “Ragini What happened beta?” asked DP concerned. “Sa… Sa…..Sanskar” said she struggling. “What happened to Sanskar?” asked he worried. “He will leave me Papa. He will leave me” said Ragini looking at him painfully. “Beta what are you saying? Say properly” said he looking at her confused. “He is in hospital” said Ragini and his breath felt stuck in his throat. He can’t even think of losing his only hope of life; his only son. “No no he will not go anywhere. Come” he said and dragged her with him.

“I will call Sahil Jeeju” said she sitting beside DP in the car and he nodded his head.

__________________________________x__________________________________________

“Can I see him once doctor please” said Ragini pleading the doctor as he came out of ICU. “He is still critical ma’am. We cannot allow anybody inside. Please try to understand” said the doctor and Ragini sat on the bench helplessly. “I’m very bad dee. I’m the worst. Whomever I love I won’t get a chance to save them. Why do I realize so lately” said Ragini and sobbed resting her head on Swara’s shoulder. “Shhh Ragu maa. Nothing will happen to Sanskar.

He can’t go leaving you. Why do you think bad?” said Swara cupping her face. “Maachi. Masha will not go anywhere. Dadi says people we love will never leave us” said Swapnil drooling in front of Ragini folding his hands back. “But your maachi is very bad bacha. So god always punishes her and people she loves leave her and go” said Ragini looking at him painfully. “Maa says Vikky mamu used to say that people are not bad but situations make them bad. I don’t know what is the meaning but maamu is always right” said Swapnil smiling showing his teeth. Ragini dragged him to a hug and sobbed holding him. She looked up and tears flew from her eyes. Swapnil came out of her hold and wiped her tears. “Mamu doesn’t like tears in his chotu’s eyes na mumma told” said he smiling bending his head. Ragini nodded her head smiling a bit through her tears.
__________________________________x___________________________________________

“No Anu. I can’t lose my one more son. Why can’t god take me instead of him” said DP sobbing bending his head holding the chair edge. “Ji” said Anu placing her hand on his shoulder. “Nothing will happen to Sanskar. He will be fine” said Anu. “Pakka na?” asked DP. “Hmmm” said she smiling holding her tears. “Hello ha Ansh” said she receiving her call. “Dadi where are you people. Maa Papa dadu are not there from morning and now you also went. Ani is crying and even Pari. I’m not able to manage them.” said he worried. “Ansh bacha. I have told Yohan uncle to pick up you people. Don’t panic ok” said Anu. “Okay Dadi” said he and disconnected the call. His mom’s screams ringed in his mind. He was feeling restless remembering that incident. “Please God ji. Don’t do that again” said Ansh looking up consoling Pari who was crying very badly.

_____________________________________________x_________________________________

“Mumma” said Ananya running leaving Ansh’s hand as soon as she spotted Ragini. Ragini ran to her and hugged her kneeling in front of her. Ansh came there with Pari and she dragged him to the hug. “I’m sorry bacha. This is all due to me” said Ragini sobbing holding all three of them. “No mumma. Nothing will happen to Poppy. Trust him he promised he will never leave you and he will never leave you” said Ananya wiping Ragini’s tears. Ragini touched her forehead with all three kids forehead and sobbed holding them.

__________________________________________x_________________________________

“Sorry ma’am he is still unstable” said the doctor coming out of the ICU. “This you are saying from last night doctor. Please let me meet him once” said Ragini pleading him. “Please” she said folding her hands. “Please Doctor. She will not disturb him. Please” said Yohan pleading and the doctor nodded his head. “Mumma” said Ansh and Ananya. “Come” said she walking with them inside the ICU.

Sanskar was kept on a ventilator support and his body was pierced with needles all over and his face was distorted due to the accident marks. Ragini closed her mouth shocked. “Mumma be brave” said Ansh holding her shoulder. Ragini nodded her head and walked to him. She sat beside him. “Sanskar” said Ragini painfully. Her voice cracked. His each breath hacked her breath. She touched his hair slightly. And hot tears flew from her eyes and she closed her eyes and sobbed. “Please give me a chance to rectify my mistake. Please Sanskar” said Ragini and her voice choked.

“You can’t do this are you listening Sanki.” said she glaring him. “Who will call me bandariya? Please Sanskar get up” said she and cried again. She touched his head with hers. “Now I understand why did not God give me a chance to see my bhayyu when he was breathing last. I would have died there if I was in front of him that time. I can’t let you go. I can’t. Get angry on me. Scold me, slap me kiss me hug me do whatever you feel like but don’t leave me. You can’t leave me like this and go. You have to give me a chance to repent for my mistakes. You can’t let me live with this guilt. Are you listening you cannot”

______________________________________x___________________________________

Okay I know I had told I will upload on Thursday but tomorrow I won’t able to login so I’m uploading now only. And next update will be on Friday. I’m sorry I’m not updating any other ff from two days but quite busy with some commitments. Hope you people will understand.

Happy Republic Day in Advance. Make a resolution to protect the glory of our country this republic day.

56 Comments
  1. Classmate

    I am a silent reader from very long, too emotional..very nice yaar… Every time I am ending with the tears and this time too..

    1. Sally_blr

      Hello dear. Thank you so much. Glad that my story touched you emotionally

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you Sindhu

  2. Such unrealistic plot you have. I mean first you showed Sanskar guilty and now changed it to Ragini. It’s just waste of time. I know you will make Ragini forgive him. I thought atleast he will be jailed for the sin he has done but you made unrealistic. All 49 chapters unworthy to read and waste time, I seriously did not like the way plot is going. Only crying. No other emotions at all.

    1. RAGSAN,who ever u are u shouldn’t say like that if u dont like it just plz…ignore it but atleast dont discourage others its a request plz…..
      AND sally ur ff is mindblowing plus ur plot amazing dont take her/his comment seriously…Iam a silent read of ur ff but today i broke my silence as u only forced me to do that by ur outstanding updates….may i m commenting here for the first and last time….

      1. Sally_blr

        Hello Zeba thank you so much dear. For replying on my behalf. Thanks a ton as you broke your silence. I’m happy that you read my story dear and it’s your own decision to comment or not. As I always say I love all the readers even silent readers also.

    2. Sally_blr

      Two words thank you. 😀

  3. Its my 1st comment ever on an update.. I hv no wrds to express my feelings.. Bt nw i can’t stop ds urge to appreciate u.. U r literally owsm.. U r piercing my heart vth ur wrds.. Hatss off to u dii .. N i loved it to d core of my ♥.. Superb.. Ol d vry bst..!!!

    1. Sally_blr

      Hi anu. Thank you so much dear for breaking your silence. That’s a huge compliment dear. Thanks a ton

  4. I just have no words…. Waiting for next part

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you jaan

  5. Next part sooooonnn plzzzzzzzzz

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you dear

  6. Rasha

    Again u back to ur emotional track. If ur not satisfied with sanki guilt please dnt take suggest to make ragini feel guilt on her life. for the title that will be extract track but please we dnt want. Y always pity people has to suffer a lot in thr life.

    1. Sally_blr

      AWww I understand your feelings dear. You will not be disappointed with the next episode. And I’m sorry I did not reply you that day. I’m not getting time to login dear. I just post the story and log out from few days as was busy with some functions. Sorry 😢

      1. Rasha

        Do required sorry.. I never felt to expect from u..

  7. Amazing

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you sisso

  8. O god plzz save sanskar and yaar plzz give some happy moment with ragsan with park plzz next part soon don’t be late

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you nikky

  9. Zelena81196

    Fantastic chapter….. so beautiful and so heart wrenching….. you have to update ASAP….. cant wait….. loved your work so far….

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you dear

  10. Asw

    Nice amazing keep going

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you dear

  11. Hey Sally . I am back.wow this epi was awesome. No words to describe it.now only I read all the epi of ur ff .I read ur new epi also.it was fabulous. Again u made me cry.tears are flowing in my eyes.I think surely madurai is going to drown in my tears.
    Ur really an emotional queen.u portray every emotions perfectly. My mom got frightened by seeing me with tears.waiting for next epi.love u and missed u so much

    1. Sally_blr

      Hey pinku. I missed you so much. AWwwi made you cry so much. Love you too

  12. Awesome loved it to the core

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you ammy

  13. Akankshanna

    Marvelous..amazing…

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you dear

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you dear

  14. Deesh

    Sally sisso, it was a breath taking chapter. I loved it so much. It stirred my heart. Gosh. Hope that sanky would be fine and everything becomes normal in their life. Take care sisso.

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you deeshu

  15. Keerthu

    Sally dr.. Wat should i do feeling bad for sanky or happy for rags.. Finally she knows d truth.. But its to late our sanskar in this condition.. Plz get back our sanskar dr.. Our rags will get hurt to see sanky.. Happy Republic day dr.. Today ff is emotional dr..

    1. Sally_blr

      Hey keerthu. Thank you so much

  16. Im commenting here for the 1st tym here i was a silent reader till nw… such an amazing story.. it’s too emotional nd heart touching yaar many tym i cried reading ur story nd today too…

    1. Sally_blr

      Hey Tiana. Thank you so so much dear. I’m really glad that the story touched you emotionally

  17. Inu

    Superb. Tearssss.

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you Inu

  18. awesome. hope sanky s fine

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you J

  19. Fab chap dear…Im still cryng very emotional

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you sreejitha. Glad the story touched you emotionally

  20. Omg. Finally thought everything is in place. But something else came up. The emotional turmoil that she’s going through when she learnt the truth nd when Sanky is hospitalised was very awesome. The way how she wished to hear his bhayyu for last time and now wishing that it’s better that it didn’t happen was fabulous. As always Kavya is best in explaining tough situation, that too the way that person will understand nd repent. Vikram’s words are something that we shld keep in mind. When we are in anger normally we won’t think from others pov nd end up in misunderstanding. Great dr. Take care

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you so much da kutty. You are absolutely right

  21. Moni_ragz

    Ragsan shld gt together😐

    1. Sally_blr

      Hey mini thank you dear

  22. Ragz_teju

    awesome

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you ragzee

  23. U nailed it…. Outstanding

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you tani.

  24. A.xx

    Amazing cant wait for next episode xx

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you dear.

  25. Asra

    Sally dear am really so sorry for late comment….holding my ears….plz forgive ur crazy fan….
    what a dream ragu….u angry on Sanky now also u dream like that Han han….kavya u r soo sweet and caring dear….i love u more dear….u made ragini understand….ur way of expressing supporting caring towards ragsan superbbb dear….u r really great frnd dear….how easily u confess ragu….love u lot dear….Sally u r impossible dear…first u gave happiness and again u gave sadness to us…what can I do yar….am happy for ragini know truth and forgive Sanky or sad for Sanky accident….am crying dear….tears r blurring my vision…swapnil u r cute…i already told u na Sally….swapnil s little vikram of our ragu….today he prove it….love u dear….ansh and ani always i love u both dear….u both r sweet….such a cute little children’s in our ragsan life….omg now guilty s in our ragu…so sad….hope nothing happen to Sanky….loved it alot dear….and also love to u lot dear…today u make me happy and sad…waiting for nxt one…tkcr Sally dear….

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