Guilt ( A RagSan FF) Chapter 42

I’m really sorry guys to confuse you people in the last update. There was actually a 4 months leap in between the chappy. First thing I did not mention it and actually Ragini was away from MM for four months. I had edited it before posting but I think I forgot to save it. And I’m really sorry guys I can’t update any other ff this week. I don’t how you people are reading guilt updates. I have become depressed after reading my own chapters. So couldn’t get out of that mood. I’m really very very sorry that I’m making you people emotional. I’m not satisfied with the way I’m taking the story. I fall short of words to say thank you for tolerating me.
8 Months leap:
“Please Ragini I’m not comfortable” said Sanskar. “Why are you doing this Sanskar. I feel I’m incomplete. It has been more than a year that we got married and still you did not accept our marriage. Do you even realize how incomplete I feel” said Ragini crying as she turned Sanskar forcefully to her side when he tried sleeping turning other side. Her sobs were painful. He cupped her face and wiped her tears. “I had told you na I will never accept this marriage and you will suffer. You will not be happy? Why didn’t you listen to me then?” asked Sanskar. She looked at him helplessly pleading him. “Please Sanskar don’t do this with me. I need you” said Ragini. “Avoid the situations when she will become emotionally weak” Yohan’s advice ringed in his mind. She cupped his face and tried nearing him.

Sanskar jerked her hand and got up from the bed angry. “I can’t do this Ragini try to understand. I had told you earlier only. How much ever you try. I will not accept this relation. Don’t be so desperate for physical relationship. You are behaving like a b*t*h” said Sanskar and he felt Ragini’s hand on his cheek. She slapped him hard. “Don’t you know the difference between love and lust you idiot. I’m your wife not some pr*stitute. I asked my husband not some roadside moron. If you behave like one I can’t help it” said Ragini and took the blanket and pillow and lied on the floor and cried silently. Sanskar held his throat controlling his cry. I’m sorry he whispered sobbing silently.
“Kavi” screeched Ragini hugging Kavya who was getting ready for the pheres. “Katti. You are coming now?” asked Kavya pouting. “Sorry sweetheart. You know na this Sanki takes so much time to get ready” said Ragini holding her ears apologizing. “Ok this time I’m forgiving you” said Kavya holding her hands and Ragini hugged her happy. “Now come your Majnu is so desperately waiting for you” said Ragini holding her shoulder. As Kavya was descending the stairs she looked at Yohan. Life looked so beautiful. Love was never what she thought it came as a surprise for her. And Yohan was the best thing that ever happened in her life after of course Ragini. It looked like she lost everything due to Ragini but actually she got everything due to Ragini. She looked at Ragini who asked her what through eyes. She nodded her head smiling. She made Kavya sit beside Yohan and pulled his ear. “Ragu” said Yohan glaring her. Ragini showed her tongue to him. Sanskar was watching her expressions. His heart was racing looking at her smile but his facial muscles stiffened controlling his emotions. He patted Ananya’s back who was in his arms and playing with something. Ragini did gatbandhan of Kavya and Yohan and stood and her eyes met with Sanskar’s eyes and tears were struggling to peep out of her eyes. “You are behaving like a b*t*h” his words ringed in her head and she avoided eye contact with him.
Kyu iss tarah se duniya jaha me karta hai tu meri rusvayi
Tera Kasur aur zalima mai kehlayi

She went and stood beside Dayal who had tears in his eyes. She encircled hands around his shoulder and leaned her head on his shoulder. Dayal looked at her and smiled a bit. “Papa” she said stopping him from sobbing. “She will go to London.” said Dayal pouting. “That means you miss her only not me and Shona dee. So bad you are” said Ragini pouting. “Awww” said Dayal and kissed her forehead smiling. He side hugged her and they watched Kavya and Yohan taking pheres across the holy fire. Yohan adorned Kavya with Sindhoor and Mangalsutra. The pandit guided them to take blessings from everyone. And they complied. “Where is this Shona dee” asked Kavya when she hugged Ragini. “Don’t know. I’m trying to call them but nobody is picking the call” said Ragini worried.
“Shona relax” said Sahil to Swara who was screaming holding her baby bump. “I can’t Sahil. I can’t tolerate this pain.” screamed Swara. “Sahil I have talked to the doctor. He assured me nothing will happen. Only five days prior to her due date so no complications will happen” said Harish walking beside him. “Swara beta look here” called Avantika who was walking on the other side. Swara turned her face to her. “You are my brave bacha na. Don’t panic. Breath in breath out” said she trying to cool Swara. “Ragu maa” said Swara struggling. “Hey Bhagvan I completely forgot” said Harish. “Go call Ragini fast Harish. How careless you are” screamed Avantika. Harish rushed from there. “Doctor can I stay with her?” asked Sahil worried when they took Swara inside the labor room. “Sure” said the doctor and Sahil thanked him and headed behind him. Avantika sat there tensed.
“But Popsy her due date was five days later na?” asked Ragini worried. “I don’t know beta might be as we traveled that’s why it happened I guess. Shona listens to anyone kya? We told her but she did not listen. No problem. I spoke to the doctor. He said normal delivery only happen not to worry” said Harish over the phone. “Okay I’m coming” said Ragini and disconnected the call and rushed inside the marriage hall. Sanskar saw her talking something to Anu heading from there with Ansh worried. Sanskar approached Anu and asked “Maa where did Ragini go? She was worried” “Swara’s water broke on the way so they have to rush her to hospital. So she went” said Anu worried. “Which hospital. You manage Ani I will also go” said Sanskar handing Ananya to her and rushed from there.
“Please take care of my daughter.” said Dayal holding Yohan’s hand. “I will always uncle” said Yohan smiling. “Popsy I will miss you” said Kavya hugging him bone crushing hug. “Shhh Doll. See don’t cry. You know na your popsy cannot tolerate your tears” said he cupping her face and kissing her forehead. Kavya nodded her head and smiled through her tears.

“Aunty where is Ragini?” asked Kavya to Sumi. “She was here only. Anu ji where is Ragini? Swara also did not come yet” said Sumi looking at Anu. Anu told them and they all rushed to hospital.
“Maa it’s a boy. My champ” said Sahil holding his new born baby in his hand as he came out of the labor room. Ragini who was consoling Avantika rushed in to Swara. Ansh sat beside Avantika and played with the baby. Ragini saw Swara lying on the bed tired. “I was so worried for you Shona dee thank god you are fine” said she caressing Swara’s hair and kissed her forehead. They shifted Swara to normal ward with her baby in an hour.

“Congratulations” screamed Sanskar entering with Yohan holding balloons inside the room where Swara was sitting with her baby. Swara smiled widely looking at them. “So how are you feeling my Shona bacha” said Sumi caressing her cheek. “I feel complete maa” said Swara smiling at her. Sanskar’s face fell. “Do you know how incomplete I feel?” he remembered Ragini’s words. Hurting her so much was really unbearable for him. He looked at Ragini who was walking out feeling bad but trying to smile.
“I don’t know maa what mistake I did in my previous birth. How much ever I try to have a normal life, I cannot have it” said Ragini hugging Anu who came behind her sensing her sadness. “Ani and Ansh are not your kids Ragu? You always proved yourself more than their mom” said Anu caressing her hair. “More than mom maa not mom. I did not say I love them less. I love them the most maa. But I also want to feel a life inside me. I want to caress my baby bump. I want to feel my baby’s kicks. I want to experience that pain while bringing my kid to this world. Even I want to feel complete” said Ragini sobbing holding her shoulder. Anu caressed her hair and looked at Sanskar who was watching them with tears in his eyes. She wiped her tears and cupped Ragini’s face and said “Now cheer up. See you have become maasi” and tried cheering. “Maasi, Maa jaisi not maa” said Ragini smiling painfully. Sanskar closed his eyes painfully letting his tears.
“Me” said Kavya. “No me first” said Yohan pushing her. “Dee see na. First me na?” asked Kavya. “No. Sabse pehle Baby ke badi masi and mausa ji” said Avantika handing the baby to Ragini who entered the room just then and Sanskar behind her. Ragini held the baby and smiled through her tears. Sanskar neared her and held her hand hugging her. Ragini looked up at him. And their eyes met and they had a painful eye lock. “Leave me” whispered Ragini. “I will never” said Sanskar meeting her eyes and tears dropped from their eyes. The baby moved bringing them both to the world. Everyone smiled looking at them. Dayal sat beside Swara and caressed her hair and she hugged him and he placed his chin on her head.
“Ragini” said Sanskar as he entered his room and found Ragini arranging the bed. “No Mr. Maheshwari don’t over think. I was just arranging the bed. I will sleep in kids room only” said Ragini not turning. She stood and before she could turn she felt Sanskar’s hands over her belly and he dragged her close to him. Ragini jerked and stood shocked. He moved her hair to one side and kissed her neck and brushed his lips over her neck sensuously. “What are you doing Sanskar?” asked Ragini struggling in his hold. “loving you” said Sanskar moving up on her neck and tightening his grip on her. Ragini pushed him aside with difficulty and said “I’m not a doll to play Sanskar. I also have feelings. I cannot change them according to your mood” and covered her neck and tried walking out.

But Sanskar held her elbow and dragged her to him and she landed on his chest. “I love you” said Sanskar in her ear kissing it and tickling her. “And I will always” said he and walked leaving her and lied on his bed. He turned facing his back to her and a tear dropped from his eye. “I want to avoid your pain and I’m only reason for your pain. I know I cannot tie you to myself all my life. I will try all my love and will to fight this all my life” thought he and wiped his tear. Ragini felt bad looking him in pain. “I want to heal your pain Sanskar not to increase your pain” thought Ragini and wiped her tears.

Sanskar felt Ragini’s hand over his shoulder and she turned him to her side. She kissed his forehead closing her eyes and he closed his eyes. She moved to his lips and pecked them with her lips. Sanskar placed his lips on her lips and dragged her to him. He moved over her and started kissing her face and neck and Ragini moved her hands in his hair. He was losing himself every second bit by bit. As he moved to her neck and kissed her clavicle bone and she hacked for breath and moaned. He turned her and loosened the dori of her blouse and moved his hand over her back sensuously. Ragini closed her eyes and started breathing heavily as he traced her skin with his touch. She sat blushing. Sanskar got up and kissed her back. “Sanskar” moaned Ragini. “Hmmm” said Sanskar kissing her neck near her ear. “You are not doing with any compulsion right?” asked Ragini. Sanskar turned her face and kissed her forehead. “I love you” he said and moved to her lips. “Love you too” said Ragini placing her lips on his lips and they both discovered each others soul.

“Thank you for coming in my life” said Ragini as she placed her head on his bare chest. “And I will not let you go away from me” said Sanskar and kissed her forehead. “Are you okay?” asked Sanskar. “More than okay” said Ragini smiling widely.
“I don’t know whether I did right or wrong Ragini. It added one more sin on me. But it made you happy. And that’s enough for me. Though the guilt on my soul goes on increasing but I will not let you suffer. I will not. I don’t know how will you react when you will be back to normal. You will become normal or not that also I don’t know Ragini. I’m sorry I lied to you. I did this only for you. I did not do it with my love or my will. Only to avoid your emotional struggle I did this. I will never forgive myself for whatever I did to you. I will never” he thought and dragged her more close to him.
Sorry I’m really bad in romance.

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  1. Oye!! Wat are you saying yar, your every update is perfect in my view

    If anyone asked me to suggest one ragsan ff, first thing in my mind is guilt

  2. Really it’s like rollercoaster ride,feeling bad for sanky

    1. Sally_blr

      Sorry for that a/n and love you for your sweet comment which is as sweet and lovely as you ?????

  3. Sindhura

    You are making me cry alot these days..
    When ragini will knew sanska4 reason behind their consumation it will break him down.
    How much they both have to.suffer
    All were happy in their expect these two

    1. Sally_blr

      Because they are pure souls so they have to go through this Sindhu. Everyone have their own problem but my concentration is only on Ragsan. So you might feel that way. They are the lead so I’m just concentrating on them. Happy pongal and do come back soon

  4. omg!!!!
    sally di…u r amazing. I just can’t describe ur talent in words!!!!
    I read this ff on tu nd in wattpad also!!!
    I’m ur biggest faannnn!!!!!

    1. Sally_blr

      You really are making me cry now. AWww you called me di thank you so much. And really fan is a big word dear. But thank you for blessing me with such love and encouragement

    1. and one of the best ragsan ff. I loved ths ff so much. ur storyline are awesome. semaya iruku .

    2. Sally_blr

      Thank you so much dear ? ?????

  5. Awesome epi and Btw Ur ff is perfect n u no I’ll always waiting fa Ur ff,mon,Thurs n Sundays I’m keep on checking telly updates page to read Ur ff……………u r simply amazing writer n u tld dat u will update guilt on Thurs n mon bt u hv uploaded today itself n Wt abt Thurs???? Will u update next part on Thurs or Wt????? N of course I’ll wait fa Ur ff…..tq so much fa giving this update n keep writing n one more thing plsss write more ragsan ff if u can……plsss…….n today epi was awesome,amazing,mind blowing…….actually I’m a silent reader of Ur ff bt Ur ff made me to comment.
    Eagerly waiting fa next epi………tq sooo much

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you dear

  6. A12345

    It’s awesome…

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you dear

  7. Yes I agree with lovely. And yeah it was amazing you gave me surprise by giving this update today eagerly awaiting for next part!!

    1. Sally_blr

      That’s so sweet yar thank you so much ??

  8. Sally u r asking sorry??n thanking for tolerating u?LOL here I am reading n eagerly waiting for each n every updated….I read some again n again..get that thought out of ur mind dear…ur work is perfectly perfect for me as a reader??. N update was intense….keep going on dear ??

    1. Sally_blr

      I’m really blessed to have all of you. Really thanks a ton ???

  9. Crystal089

    Sally u have gone mad who said ur story is boring and emotional stuffs ha ur story is just awesome superbbb amazing i do not know what u thoughtand wrote this story but its just awesome this is some where reality of life which we usually don’t come across but their are people who struggle love is the thing that can heal all wounds and feeling guilty for ur sins is in deed great because only some have guts to accpet their mistakes but when life struggles btw love and guilt the stiuation is un explainable and u have done that in awesome way loved it and love u

    1. Sally_blr

      Us I had gone mad crysti seriously ???? I’m sorry. Love you

  10. Outstanding yaar I’m really out of words to praise ur ff …U r awesome

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you so much dear. Thank you ?????

  11. Finally silent reader gives up you are a real writer no one can give such a feel in their ff hats offfff

    1. Sally_blr

      That’s really a huge compliment dear. Your gesture is so sweet. Thank you so much ?

  12. Jazzy

    finally u got to know how much u emotional gud i m really happy for it and i want u to write some happy scenes too now plzzzzz (puppy eyes) plxzz and todays part was amazing yaar loved it as usual

    1. Sally_blr

      I know I know you must be the happiest person on earth as I realized how much emotional my writing will be. And trust me I just had tears reading it. I felt I did not write it but reading it and when you used to cry I used to find it funny but when I read it without brake I just couldn’t control my emotions Ahhh I might sound mad to you right now. But can’t help it you have to cry more ????????

  13. did they become one or sanskar should do something in which rag can’t become mother O god next part soon may be tomorrow plzz

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you nikky. ??

  14. hope this ff reach till 100 plzz full fill my wish

    1. Sally_blr

      I will go mad till then seriously. Let’s see what happens

  15. Inu


    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you Inu ????

  16. Asw

    Nice ur really nice writer keep going

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you dear for this it really means a lot ??

  17. Asra

    Sally dear r u gone mad….y u r asking sry and saying thanks dear…we only thanks to u for thz lovely update….thz first and last dear…again u r asking sry and saying boring means I will kill you dumbo…’s fabulous update Sally dear….omg swara have a baby….kavhan married…am soo happy dear…but feeling bad for my poor ragsan…Both r going through soooo much pain dear….plz reduce their pain Sally….waiting for ur nxt update and other ff….and don’t ask sry for making emotional…bcz someone say when the writer make reader cry laugh angry for story character….They are the real great writer….so u r great writer dear…love u alot dear….takecare my Sally dear….Regards ur crazy fan….

    1. Sally_blr

      Such a beautiful comment I’m just weeping here reading your comment. It’s the huge compliment thank so so much dear. Love you a lot ?????????

  18. Rasha

    watever u try finally words surely make us emotional only.. always I was emotional with ragini lost persons.. but this time I felt so bad for her situation still cnt believe which u have written those disgusting word unbelievable.. wat is sanky done which love is stored for her by one word it hurted.. most hurted thing for me is sanskar words for himself saying without is wish & only for her.. better doing unwilling it’s good to stay away…

    1. Sally_blr

      I know I will end up making you emotional only. I know you can’t digest Sanky’s behavior but he is also trying his level best dear. I will wait for a day when you will love his character. He did it for Ragini as she was suffering dear. These are all desires of life which cannot be avoided.

      1. Rasha

        I never hated sanskar dear,More than ragini i like sanskar here very much but both are very poor souls to this earth. As all said never think that we are tolerating ur ff we are craving for ur each and very update & desperate will be perfect word.Ragini emotional desire he may fulfilled now but its not right na with unwillings & more than that he too loving her than how can he done that unwillingly.

    2. Sally_blr

      I’m jumping here with joy. More than Sandbar I’m happy Rasha. I understand your point dear. He loves her but he got intimate for her happiness because for him it is like he doesn’t want to as Ragini will expect a child and he cannot make her understand why he doesn’t want a child. He loves her but making love is different right. He thinks he will lose her due to all this.

      1. Rasha

        I understood both u and sanskar but just spilled out my thought , never i got any doubt on any character if it is then i have been waiting for your explanation in further chapter coz ur perfect in it.. I never written about u r ur work coz always i have been emotional so words have been blank in my mind.Ur amazing excellent writer i never forget this story & i dnt want also so i have saved all the chapters in my pendrive. Before 3 and 4 Chapter was extent to the emotional for me , i thought to let me stop reading this ff also but i couldn’t & ended up reading but in last 2 chapter thr not much emotional.. Ton of thanks coz by this week continuously ur updating i was like in cloud 9. am waiting for ur other ff also..

      2. Rasha

        R u tamil.
        Wish u happy thitikkum pongal Vazhthukal in advance.

    3. Sally_blr

      No Rasha I’m not Tamilian. I’m a kannadiga for us it is Sankranthi, Thank you dear and happy Pongal to you too

  19. AMkideewani

    I love this story so much darling❤❤❤

    1. Sally_blr

      thanks a ton dear. You have been my support system always. Thank you so so much ??????????

      1. AMkideewani

        Welcome my jaan and I love your story till the end like you???❤❤❤

  20. Sherin


    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you Sharon ????

  21. I have already said u that the emotions in ur ff are the thirst to wait nd read further. Wow. Cute little prince for Swahil. Nd Kavya yohan marriage also completed. Days are moving so fast. Finally Ragsan became one but it’s not his own will. I’m feeling sad fr it. Hope nothing bad happens to them. they too need to lead a happy life. Will be waiting for ur updates. Take care

    1. Sally_blr

      I know dear. What to do I always run from emotions and that’s why I don’t read or watch emotional stories or movies. And when I read my own chappy without break I got so depressed. That’s why I don’t do proof reading after I write. I don’t know how I write it like that. I know I’m confusing. ????

  22. romance was god and i enjoyed ur ff alot
    want to ask if sanky dont want rag to get pragnent he can use protection as in safe s*x is alway a option

    1. Sally_blr

      I knew you will surely ask it and I hope your doubts will clear soon. If not just let me know there is a reason behind it why he can’t do it

  23. More than awesome

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you Tani. ?

  24. Zoya

    sally u r writing as fab so dnt keep any dbts
    u r fllng so connected so u r fllng deprssd
    if u wnt brk u take d brk but ur wrtng awsme so dnt keep any dbts

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you yar Zo. And thank you for your suggestions dear.

  25. A.xx

    amazing and feel so bad for ragu xx

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you dear. ?

  26. Ragz_teju

    Sally dear don’t know why you are feeling like that but trust me it is worth reading… I loved it to the core…. superb chappy… feeling bad for ragsan… it’s really emotional but it’s required…. .

    1. Hey you are only the writer of married to my sister’s husband? Pls pls upload that story plz plz

    2. Sally_blr

      Thank you ragzee for cheering me. You always stand by me and my decision thanks a ton for that. ???

  27. Deesh

    Sally sisso. Yes u do make us emotional. But only few people has this ability to make people feel the real essence of a story and u are one among them. Don’t dare to say sorry. Thank u so so much for giving us this ff sisso. Am very glad and happy with the way the story is shaping up. It is just awesome. And am so scared about ragu’s reaction when she comes to know about this. Waiting for the next. You are one of my fav authors in tu. Trust me. So don’t dare to blabber like this here after. Strict warning. Love u loads sally sisso. ?

    1. Sally_blr

      Love you my chellame. Really here everyone are threatening me not to blabber. And I’m scared and I will try my best to not to blabber. Happy????

      1. Deesh

        Good that u have said that u won’t do it again. And what a medical miracle!!! ?? Sally sisso and emojis!! I like it ?

    2. Sally_blr

      It depends on whether I’m replying from my PC or mobile. Medical miracle that was hilarious. What to do I don’t understand most of the emojis and why they are used. Dumb me.

  28. of best ragsan ff.loved it

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you Ammy. Glad you liked it ?

  29. Hemalattha

    Awesome dear. The way you described ragsan’s feeling good.

    1. Sally_blr

      Thank you Hema

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