Fell in LOVE by mistake!!
*”*”*”*”*”*”*(EPISODE – 26)*”*”*”*”*”*”*
Hello dears..!! Oh, I’m scaring please stop giving me death glares, I’m still bachcha na..!! Okey, if wanted to listen the real reason behind not posting then do read the part at the end of chappie..!!
According to nature regulations as usual today also sun rise while bringing beautiful morning with himself but the factual beauty charm of this morn seems to be lost totally…Birds chirping with dull sorrow voices…Breeze circulating with joyless manner while holding weird tacit…Excellence of nisarg missing its outline perfections…All around surrounding seems calm but volcano of restlessness revolving inside it.
And there on bed one too young girl showed who’s engrossing in sleep while holding unrealistic savory smile on her beautiful face…Seems that she’s satisfied with her dreams which glued on her dizzy sight.
But then her eyelids dragged feeble motions due to disturbance of slight heavy sound…This repeating noise becomes witness of her mobzi’s ringing tone which forcing her to come back on earth from pleasant yet graceful dreaming land.
And there she is making struggle with her elegant eyes while wanting view of colorless reality.
At last she opened her eyes in jerk with feeling frustration against surrounding voice.
She roams her eye socket all around without moving her soft muscles.
She blinked her eyelashes continually with forcing to scribble her all senses.
She’s too immersed in fighting with her consciousness while standing on bridge between virtuality and fictitious.
But then around sounding broke her all trances from her focused topic and compulsive her to take some valid actions against that unwanted ringing music.
So while making some movements in her hand bones she grabbed her vibrating mobzi.
As soon as she noticed caller id with her sluggish condition she got powerful slap from reality.
And within split of minutes she realized ruthless of actuality.
Then with staring caller id while holding vibrating mobzi in her hand she uttered while filling her pain in voice.,
“I’m not flattered if you are missing me…you should miss me…you broke my heart…I think the only reason you miss me is coz every day you’re making a conscious decision not to be with me…But one day you’re going to sensed that actual it was me who loves you crazily then you’re gonna hate yourself for letting me go.”
With this Swara disconnect the Sanky’s call and unwillingly switched off her mobzi while holding her all longing to talk with him.
And after throwing her mobzi at some corner of drawer of side table Swara jumped on her bed back with hiding her dull yet prettiest face within pillows while encompassing all kind of sadness.
Within couple of minutes Swara gets lost in her all hearted thoughts with tears brimmed eyes..,
Swara’s pov started.,
Now I’m realizing the hardest part about breaking up is letting go of the last piece of my heart.
It has been passed whole single week to our breakup Sanky but still also I don’t have dare to blocked your number for trying to decrease the deepness of my pain.
Sanky after our breakup I’m everyday falling asleep with you in my heart.
And every time the weirdest thing happened the other morning…I woke up with tears in my eyes…rolling downs my cheeks…while getting disturbance from your call…and then I KNEW I MUST HAVE BEEN DREAMING OF YOU ONCE AGAIN…!!!
(Swara was actually DREAMING guys…!!!)
In my dreams I have full authority to address you as mine but in my life you’re nothing but my dream.
Can you make me up when reality ends..??
Coz my dreams are sweeter and my nightmares are more gentle than this harsh truth of our broken relationship.
Now I realized I lost my heart to someone who does not care…and found that all broken heart to be crying in the corner.
I’m daily crying hard with remembering our all beautiful moments coz crying is the only way eyes speak when mouth can’t explain how all things made my heart broken.
I’m helpless cause what can I do when the only one who can make me stop crying is the one who made me cry actually..??
And it seriously sucks when the only person who can make me feel better is also the reason why I always cry.
Now I’m able to predict that LOVE begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear drop..!!
Sometimes I wonder how you would feel if you knew how many tears I’ve cried over you or how many nights I’ve lied awake thinking of you or how many songs remind me of you and I wonder what you would think of me with that knowledge or if you would even care at all.
Actually not neglectable fact is that, someone I love hurts me cry a river, but now I’ve to build a bridge and get over it.
(With convincing this to herself Swara wiped her all tears from her cheeks while holding her eye-water in her eye-socket only).
Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, even with all the hurt I’ve felt, letting go is the most painful yet.
And this is the one pain I often feel which you will never know Sanky coz it is caused by the absence of you.
This pain is not on the day of missing you Sanky, this pain is really when I living without you with your presence in my mind.
And it really hard to tell my mind to stop loving you when my heart still does so I wanted to say that, dear heart please stop falling in love with people I can’t get.
But how someone who has hurt me so many times before still is on my mind..??
I’m feeling, forgetting you are like trying to remember someone I never met.
But what to do…???
My heart longs for u,
My soul dies for u,
My eyes cry for u,
My empty arms reach out for u..!!
No one can love you the way I do Sanky…And I’ll always love you like this only NO MATTER what hated things happened between us.
NO MATTER how hard I try to make you happy, in the end it’s never good enough coz I always end up hurting.
We can’t be together but we’ll never be apart for NO MATTER what life brings us, you are always in my heart Sanky..!!
And you are not the only one in the universe but you are only that matters to me Sanky..!!
You are the wind beneath my wings..!!
I love you even if you don’t love me back…I never stopped loving u, I just stopped showing..!!
But why is it that the guy I love never ever really loves me back..??
And I think, already aware about all these things, I myself dare to love you.
So as per this, actually it’s not you who broke my heart it’s me who did this sin by my own with loving u.
But it hurts when we risk our heart and it ends up getting broken, but what hurts more is when we still hold on when we already know we are waiting for nothing…And it’s not the good back that hurts it’s the flashbacks that hurts more.
Actually nothing can hurt more than realizing he meant everything to me and I meant nothing to him…It hurts when I realize I was not as important to you as I thought I was.
That’s why I slowly give up on our not mattered relationship coz there are the things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.
I guess what I have always wanted was someone who loves me enough to match my effort…So I removed myself from those one sided love-ship where I was the one putting in the effort.
In fact, it really hurts to walk away but that will never compare to the pain of staying…so I don’t let the fear of being alone than keeping myself in a relationship where I was alone.
And sometimes it’s better to push someone away, not because I stopped loving that someone but because I have to shield myself from pain.
Relationships are like glass…sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt ourselves putting it back together.
That’s the reason I preferred to break our relation because I was in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh and to make good memories not to be constantly upset, to feel hurt, and to cry.
And I got the fact that the most relation tends to fail not because of the absence of love…love is always present there…it’s just that one was being love too much and the other was not being loved enough.
I very well know, love won’t be tampered with, love won’t go away, have to push it to one side, and it creep to the other.
(Swara laughed on herself while murmuring next line with tears filled eyes)
But it’s amazing how one day he walk into my life and I can’t remember how I ever lived without him.
Loving him was not a mistake but thinking that he loved me was.
I perceived, there is always some madness in love but there is also always some reason in madness.
I never knew how strong I really was until I found me in love alone and me really hoping that I should have loved myself with the love I gave to you Sanky..!!
But now I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.
Nevertheless I really unable to do this thing because the fact that I still love you but you don’t care
I’m mad at myself, not u,
I’m mad for always being nice,
I’m mad for apologizing for things I didn’t do,
I’m mad for getting attached with you while clearly knowing that this will ended up me crying only,
I’m tired for still thinking about you,
But most of all I’m mad for not hates you, when I should…!!!
I really can’t hate you I’m just disappointed you turned into everything you said you’d never be.
But still at somewhat I think I should hate you because you are making me thinking of hating yourself.
And I hate myself also for still waiting for you.
Then I feel like I’m waiting for something that isn’t going to happen…And I really don’t know why I’m still hoping.
Genuinely I’m trying hard to forget you but I’m also waiting for you to come back with the manner I actually want.
But in all these wanting and leaving feelings related to you, I just can’t recognize myself lately I’m someone I used to know I think you took me with you, and I was hoping you could just leave me somewhere else because I’ve been waiting for myself, waiting for all the pieces to come home.
I was born again because of loving you but I died of the same reason.
I think, sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.
But for now the hardest thing I’ll ever do walk away still loving you but there’s a weird pleasure in loving you who doesn’t love me back…Because someone says that if you love someone, and that someone does not loves you its world’s best love story as there is no breakups in one sided love…But I think one sided love is nothing but can say it’s a one way hurt to myself in any little moment while I see him.
Whatever the things are but the actual fact is I will always care for you, even if we are not together and even if we’re far…far away from each other.
You don’t know Sanky but I look at you more than you notice,
I want you more than you think,
I love you more than you know,
Maybe one day you will realize it,
I’ll wait for that day to come..!!
Someday you will cry for me like I cried for you,
Someday you will miss me like I missed you,
Someday you will need me like I needed you,
Someday you will want me like I wanting you,
Someday you will love me like I always do..!!
But for now…,
I’m tired of being sad,
I’m tired of missing you,
I’m tired of feeling worthless,
I’m tired of remembering you,
I’m tired of feeling crazy at you,
I’m tired of pretending to be normal,
I’m tired of being alone without you,
I’m tired of yelling in painful emotions,
I’m tired of needing help of you in all matters,
I’m tired of crying over my all hearted feelings,
I’m tired of not being able to just let go over you,
I’m tired of feeling stuck in between my all feelings,
I’m tired of feeling empty inside my heart without you,
I’m tired of being angry on all facts which separated us,
I’m tired of being different than I actual is while loving you,
I’m tired of missing things which ever happened between us,
I’m tired of wishing I could start all over once again very beautifully,
I’M TIRED OF DREAMING OF A LIFE WITH YOU I WILL NEVER HAVE,
BUT MOST OF ALL, I’M JUST TIRED OF BEING TIRED…!!!
If I could have one life time wish, one wish that would come true, I’d pray to god with all my heart and have you bring back in my life Sanky…!!!
Then also the crazy fact that the most beautiful line is ‘BUT I LOVE YOU’, and the most painful line is ‘I LOVE YOU BUT………,’
Swara’s pov ended.
A/N :- Actually it’s kind of personal but would like to share that I was suffering from heart break means me and my bf broke up yaar, sad thing, that’s why was not feeling to write something. (Please not relate my and Swara’s story, this fiction’s story is nothing but all imagination only).
But if possible then try to throw couple of words at commented area coz I hardly tried to write update when my mind was all disturbed..!!
And please dears not wanting any kind of sympathy..!!
Sujay03 :- So many thanx dea for liking my story this much..!!
Aarohi :- I really loved your attitude of demanding instead of requesting babe..!!
Rock Leon :- Dea I will surely keep my words to make raglak with together, Pinky promise..!!
And last but not least extremely sorry if I knowingly and unknowingly hurted someone and heartily thanks to everyone who are wasting their precious time in taking glances of my writing…!!!