sid came back into his room flicked on d lights, dumping his bag on d couch he settled himself on his favourite beanbag … a place dat has perfectly moulded in his shape accompanying him in his loneliness.. he felt d layer of stress melting away.. sense of composure embraced him.. he no longer need to pretend what he wasn’t…
he lived in a small segregated apartment.. d walls of d room were adorned with endless awards n precious trophies… best singer, best guitarist, student of the year, maestro, multi-talented, best rj n many more… d place which remained left out of d accolades were filled by d collages of his pics receiving awards, playing guitar…
in a corner lie his most admirable n precious as
set his guitar..
sidhant got up n picked his guitar.. he closed his eyes.. his fingers touch d strings of guitar..
“sham bhi koi jaise hai nadi,
lehar lehar jaise beh rahi hai,
koi ankahi, koi ansuni..
baat dheemi dheemi keh rahi hai…
kahin na kahin jaagi hui hai koi aarzoo..
kahin na kahin khoye hue se hain main aur tu…
ke boom boom boom para para,,
hai khaamosh dono,,
ke boom boom boom para para..
hai madhosh dono….
jo gummsum gummsum hai yeh fizayein,
jo kehti sunti hai yeh nigahein,,
gummsum gummsum hai yeh fizayein hai na…”
[song: shaam from movie aisha]
“haaye mere sid.. u sing reallyyy soo well naa.. i m always fascinated by ur voice n ur guitar… uff.. srsly.. smday m gonna sleep forever in this melodious tune.. ” someone hugged him from behind..
“shut up cherry.. !!! angel.. if smday u r gonna die of my singing thn i’ll leave singing n guitar too.. ” sid cupped her chin with his hands..
“hell noo.. thn i’d srsly die! ” she made a puppy face..
“either way u r not dying n neither u r going to leave me alone.. ” sid said wid sparkling eyes..
“obvio not baby.. how can i leave my sid.. swthrt.. u r srsly more thn juz my love to me.. u r my life, my saviour n u knw u r a guy every gal wud die for.. u r a scholar, singer, guitarist n a secret poet too.. well damn! i dn’t undrsntd y god makes some ppl so special n all-rounder like u stuffing all d extra-ordinary qualities n some juz so dumb like me..”she sighed..
“dumbo.. u r not dumb.. if u were,, perhaps u won’t b wid me.. u knw i have a pretty gud sense of choice.. ” sid winked..
“aaaaan.. dis is not done now.. chalo na kuch shayari sunao naa.. mere liye plzz… ” she insisted grabbing his hands in her..
“le.. ye b koi bolne waali baat hai.. lo to arz kiya hai… ”
“deewana hu tera.. inkaar nahi karta..
kaise keh du ki tujhse pyaar nhi karta..
kuch shararat to teri nazaro mein bhi thi..
warna main akela gunehgaar bankar yu ikraar na karta.. ”
“hehehehe… par maine to kuch kiya hi nhi tha… bolo.. bolo maine kya kiyaa…? :p :p ” she chuckled..
“achaawwww.. ji meri princess ne kuch nhi kiyaa sachhii..?? arree ispe kuch aaya..
“dam tod jaati h saari shikaayate labon pe aakar..
jab tu maasomiyat se poochti h maine kya kiya… ”
“hehehe.. tum n tumhari shayaris masha allaah.. kisi din naa main tumhara interview likhungi aise..
dhyan se dekhiye ise.. yahi h wo cute sa god-gifted ladka.. jo academic hi nhi, singing hi nhi, shayari n upcoming radio jockey mein bhi apna jaadu bikher k sabko apni taraf attract kr rha h.. ” she grinned pointing his fingers towards sidhant…
“heehehe.. angel.. tu pagal hh.. ” sidhant grinned..
sid was startled back by his fone ring..
he looked amazed.. der was no one in his room.. he looked at his guitar n realised he was dreaming perhaps…
she was no longer in his life.. she has left him.. but his heart was still singing her name.. his eyes still craved to see her smile.. her name still echoes in his ears… his mind still can do nythng to make her giggle.. his palms still long for warm touch of her hands.. he still wanna sing just for her.. he again wanna play guitar on her favourite song.. he again wants to smile.. he again wants to live his dreamt life n not d current pretence one!
a tear trickled down his hazel eyes ndropped down on his guitar.. his fingers were repelling d touch of strings.. his vision was now blocked by d pool of tears.. he felt as if d blood in his veins has frozen, his heartbeats were trying to slow down not to let him realise der presence.. his stomach twisted into knots n he forgot to breathe.. his heart felt heavy n a lump appeared in his throat.. his mind opened d trunk of memories sealed down a year ago.. one by one pictures were flashing in his mind tearing his soul apart from his body leaving him lifeless.. his breathing was rugged due to sobbing.. he stood up n picked up a glass of water from his side table n gulped down d whole in one go n wiped off his tears..
he rummaged thru his cupboard n fish out an old ipod,, stuffed in its earplugs n listened to d song..
“do lafz ki hai..
baat ek hi hai..
q darmiyaan fir ruki-2 hai..
keh bhi na paaye, reh b na paaye..
q bewajah h, ye bebasi..
tum mein hum hai..
hum mein tum ho..
tum se hum hai..
hum se tum ho..
kismato se milte hai do dil yaha..
har kisi ko nhii milta..
yaha pyaaar zindagi mein… ”
[song: har kisi ko from movie boss] “i’ll never play dis guitar again.. ” d words echoed in his ears.. d day she left him he vowed dat his fingers will not play d strings of d guitar again.. he left his maternal place n shifted to mumbai.. d city of dreams, d city dat never sleeps, d city dat will make u lose urself.. d serenity of beach contrasted with d sheer noise on d roads.. dis city sheltered sidhant.. she helped him in forgetting his precious moments dat were now mere nytmares for him…
sid remembered what she used to dream.. she always used to say that she wanted sidhant to become a rj…
though d strings of relations were broken.. his heart was merely an orphan which now has no1 dat it can call ‘dat’s mine’
but still for d sake of his love, his dreams n sanity he gave an interview for being a radio jockey n he succeeded.. he always finds his escape in those shayaris n his world of music.. now approx half of d city has name rj sidhant on their lips.. but he wasn’t happy.. he din’t wish to live dis dream alone.. he never dreamt of this life.. he never dreamt of being popular.. he had put on a face for d world, a mask no1 can know who’s behind it.. but nyts were usually not his cup of tea.. he usually din’t need to smile at nyts coz he can be at his own.. his own being of alone.. in d company of his memories n loneliness.. <3
"bheed mein kahin gum ho gaya wo shakhs,
meri nazarein aaj bhi guzre kal mein dhoondh rahi hai uska aks,
sochta hu wo kabhi to laut ke aaegi..
aur mere saawalo ka jawaab mjhe de jaaegi..
tab tak mera dil sirf yahi gunguna raha hai..
sab kuch wahi h.. par kuch kami h..
teri aahatein nahi hai.. teri aahatein nhi hai.. "
to be continued*