The Journey of a lotus
As this breeze touches my face and run away, my memories are also running away from me – yes his memories. I know it’s not easy; it’s never ever easy for me. But before he asks me to do so, I have to do it. HAVE TO…
We’re going to Bareilly back to my home – in fact, I’m going back. Omkaraji – na , Omkara singh oberoi is just accompanying me. I ahd told him that I would go in a bus but he insisted on dropping me maybe to show dadi that he cares for me. She doesn’t know about our badly broken rishta, actually no one knows much.
Even though shivay bhaiyya brought me back and we did all rasams, I was still a giri hui ladki for him – he always used to taunt and hurt me whenever I did anything for him; he used to call all those as an act.
@ First I thought everything would be fine, but no; this relation is only made for name sake.
I now feel that I’m a sunflower. The world always consider lotus as the devoted wife of Sun; but no one ever know about sunflower. Even when it always follows the path of sun, blooms in his presence, falls down in his absence, admire him and love him, the Sun doesn’t seem to be known about that love. But still the poor thing continues to do all those. Yes I’M A SUNFLOWER.
Last week the whole family was happy as we came to know that anika bhabhi is from Sinha family – one of the richest families of Mahrashtra. Her family was destroyed by business rivals and the whole family got separated. But now she has only badima and chote papa and their family. They all came last week to the mansion and took her back to her home.
But what followed in the mansion was terrible. My sasurji, Tej singh oberoi asked Omkara to divorce me. He thought that bade bhaiyya had got a good rishta whereas Omkara got an adopted girl as wife.I wasn’t sad as we had already planned for divoce days before; but just like pinky chotima used to taunt bhabhi, he raised question about my blood, lineage and parents. I was strong till then, but then I broke down.
After that incident, Omkara left the mansion the next day. He didn’t tell me anything; he didn’t even console me, I do not expect that but still. Then he came back yesterday and asked me to pack things and go back to my home.
I closed my eyes, I know tears are ready to fall down; but I wouldn’t let them to wet my cheek. I wouldn’t cry for this man; I don’t hate him but it is something like hatred. Even though he is my patidev, I cannot – the dabang Gouri cannot tolerate anyone spoiling her character.
“What are you thinking so deeply?” I was startled to hear this. As I turned I met two deep black eyes which usually has hatred for me…but today , today I am seeing something different in them…I sit my illusion…
“Don’t dare to stare me.”He shouted.
Ha… I was wrong, this pair of eyes can never have any other feeling except hatred for me, I know…But back in OM, I have seen some other softer feeling in his eyes for me – when I’m HURT, when I’m SILLY, when I TALK a lot, when I throw my KAMBAKHT…
“Will you miss me gouri”. The answer is yes, but this is dabang gouri; I reminded myself.
“No I wouldn’t.” I lied to him!!!
Om: Ya, you never loved me right?
O: you only had a devotion to this jatadhari pati.
G: are you complaining
O: what if you will come back??
G: (irritated) I will never come back to you… I never want you back…I never want your love… (Panting)
I switched on the radio. But that song,
“Phir bhi tumko chahunga…..”
I switched it off immediately
Was his eyes being teary…no…It’s mine being wet…his eyes will never be wet for me…
O: You will get a good life in future…for sure.
G: But you wouldn’t!!!!
I just pretended to sleep to avoid more questions.
But as I woke up, I saw that I had reached my home. I was cooking up stories in my mind to tell aayi as to why I had come back.
But…why is bade bhaiyya opening the door? And there is anika bahbhi too; her bade papa, choti maa and my aayi… Am I dreaming?
Suddenly bhabhi came and hugged me calling me chutki…. But chutki was her sister; I remember her telling me like that. So am I…am I her sister?
Ani: Om, why didn’t you tell her anything?
Shi: I’ll tell you gouri. That day when bade papa had insulted you, Om was deeply hurt. He came and told me that he wanted to find your past. I first disagreed as you would be more hurt, if he does that. But he was stubborn; he wanted to do it so that you can see your parents.
Last week he was busy with this work. He came to your aayi and it was then he knew about your story; especially about kali’s evil deeds. He went to that place from which you were adopted. They told that your name was chutki. Om felt that it was not a coincidence and he decided to give a try to know whether you are anika’s sister because there was no other information about you.
He had your hair strand and he alone conducted DNA Test and…And it was a match…
I didn’t know what to say…bhabhi, no didi gave me a tightening hug, followed by MY CHOTI MAA. She said,
“Beta, tumhari maa baap had kept you safe from every evil hand. It was only anika who got tangled in an orphanage. Bhagavan have given back both my betas finally.”
Bade papa told,
“Jaaona chutki, we’ll go to see our home today itself.”
But I was sad, my aayi…didi read my mind instantly.
“Nahi badi papa, we’ll go today and make arrangements to welcome chutki. Let she stay here with her aayi today. We’ll go tomorrow. Hei naa chutki?”
I didn’t have words…It was like some treasure which reached my hands. The whole day all were busy feeding and loving me, especially didi. She told me all the old stories she remembered. Both our husbands…no…didi’s husband and Omkara had gone out..We had a gala time.
It was evening… I went to see shivay bhaiyya. I had searched for Omkara, but he didn’t come back till then.
“Thank you bhaiyya for everything.”
S: No gauri, you should thank Om. It was he who did everything.
I faintly smiled. He doesn’t know anything about us.
S: I know Gouri, you both are going for a divorce.
I was shocked. How did he…
S: Om had told me everything. In fact, he has feelings for you. He had problem with your past only. Now even that is cleared. But he is not able to face you. Now it’s your duty gouri. Only you can bring him back. This bade bhaiyya want that old Om back.”
I simply gave him a fake promise. Now even the old Gouri was lost, then how will I BRING BACK OLD Omkara?
Finally, all except Omkara went back. Aayi was so happy to see her damadji back. She was busy caring him, feeding him and oiling his hair… I really enjoyed it…after all it was the last day together…
We had to share the same room as my home had only two rooms. I was ready to sleep on the floor, when he came. I just lay down and pretended to sleep. Actually I slept because I was so tired…
I woke up hearing something and saw that he was standing near the balcony, near to my room. I wondered why he didn’t sleep.
Hesitantly I went to him. But I saw that his upper arm was covered with bandage; blood was slowly oozing out of it. I was shocked; he hadn’t noticed me. I slowly went to my cupboard, took first aid kit and came back. Without speaking, I turned him with my hand and began re dressing it. He was startled; he hadn’t expected this maybe. Even I was bit shocked; I don’t know what made me to do this. After all I do not have any relation with him now, but still I was….
He was looking at me without blinking the whole time. I was feeling pierced with his sight. After dressing, I was about to go back when I felt a cold grip in my hands. I didn’t turn back. He asked,
“Why do you love me this much Gouri?” I hadn’t expected this…I remained silent.
“You love a beast!!”He growled…
I wanted to avoid an argument; so I asked, pointing the wound
“How did this happen?”He understood that I was diverting the topic. He was deciding something.
“My mind was full of depression, anger and repentance since I had accused an innocent soul of a crime which she hadn’t committed. I felt that I was an animal; I felt that she had loved me sincerely but I had thrown thorns of poison at her which made her hurt badly. I wanted to fall at her feet; I wanted her to punish me. With these thoughts, I lost my control over my mind and I had an accident.”
Tears which had been kept back from flowing were scolding me; they wanted to jump out to show that man, how much they loved him. Yes MY TEARS LOVED HIM MORE THAN ME, because it was my tears which always came out when he was there with me in all these 3 months and even now. I wanted to forgive him, but my inner self didn’t allow me; it kept me in control. I was about to leave when he moved close to me,
“Your silence is tearing me apart Gouri, just tell something; at least give me a jhaap”
I couldn’t control more, but I had to. I was not ready to give away myself to him.
“We are being divorced.” I told in a loud voice. He was silent; maybe he was still not ready to give a chance to our marriage. But suddenly he hugged me from behind, buried his face on my neck and started crying.
“I will miss you Gouri, please”. I was just melting. I couldn’t bear him crying anymore; I demanded to my mind. I hugged him back and started consoling him, by patting on his hair & shoulder. I had yearned a lot for this moment, but still something was holding me back…I can’t give away…I won’t…
“I was yearning to see you this whole week.”
“I know you won’t forgive me, but I have had enough in this whole week; tortured with remorse.” He sounded tired; yes he was, for sure, but still I won’t…
“I…I can’t live unless you forgive me, I’m not that bad.”He was crying aloud. I skipped a heartbeat, but still I won’t…
“Yes Gouri, please tell me once that YOU LOVE ME..I want to hear it, please…”
I pulled him away from me…does that mean, he too…I watched him without blinking my eyes…His eyes were red, face was flushed. He took my palm and KISSED IT. A small smile crept in my face in spite of my crying eyes…Finally, my mind told me that it couldn’t control more; it just asked me to give away myself to him, totally. I hugged him tight; he too. My body was paining but I realised this was why people told, LOVE IS A SWEET PAIN.
I shyly looked up at him, he was expecting something.
“Tell me gouri!!” I couldn’t meet his eyes. He was brushing my knuckles.
“OK, I don’t need cheesy I LOVE YOUs. Just hug me and tell me that I’m here for you, I’m yours; will you? Are you ready?”
Finally I spoke, without even realising what I was telling; because I was totally lost in his depth of eyes, in which for the first time, I saw LOVE FOR ME.
“I was always there for you, from chulbul to Gouri. Today you told that I only had devotion to you. Yes at first it was only devotion. As our life began, I started loving you; but then it became disappointment as I felt that I was not right for you, I thought I created troubles and worries for you. So I asked my mind to hate you so that I can move out from your life for a good future.”
He hushed by keeping fingers on lips; how much I enjoyed that!!He holded my waist tightly.
“You are my lucky chiraiyya, or chirotta should I say. Never think of going away from me. You are not a sunflower now; but a lotus that always have her Sun right beside.”He smiled. I was surprised; how did he know this sunflower thing?
“I read your diary once; your sunflower poem.”He smiled.
“My Sun!!” I exclaimed and hugged him back.
Later we sat together on the swing in that balcony with my head on his shoulders and his protective hands around me; embracing me.
I asked him,
“waise, how did you get my hair strand?”
“Do you remember the day you fainted on karwachauth? I had picked you and your hair was tangled in my kurta. I had taken the same one for the trip and that’s how….”
He kissed me in my cheek lightly; I felt that I was in a different world of joy…..
Even that dark night was likea bright day; after all THE SUN ALWAYS SHINES BIGHT WITH HIS LOTUS BESIDES HIM…
YES, MY SUN…..
This is the third entry of DBO, which is my category. Keep voting.
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