Just a crazy, random thought. Comments needed. No proof reading!!
It all had started when I was 11 years old. I was returning to home after two hours of cricket practice. When I crossed the park near to my home, I heard her, her crying. I turned and saw a little cute girl crying, rubbing her eyes. A new feeling filled my heart by seeing her. I didn’t know that it was due to happiness or sadness at that time. I went near her and asked, ‘hey! Why are you crying?’. ‘they didn’t allow me to play with them’, said the 6 years old in between her hiccups. I wiped her tears, ‘don’t cry, dear. I am here for you. You can play with me’. ‘really?’, a cute smiled played on her lips and her eyes lit up. ‘yes, really. I am sanskar. what’s your name?’, I asked. ‘swara’, she said. ‘you wait here. I will go and bring my sister’, I said. ‘no!! I also come with you’, she said, holding my hand firmly. ‘where is your home?’, I asked as we started to walk towards my home. she pointed out a house, ‘that is’. ‘oh!!! The next one is mine. So we are neighbors’, I exclaimed.
As time passed, our both family became close friends and she also was so adamant to join in the same school where I was studying. She didn’t leave me alone except for my classes and for using washroom at the school and our homes. It was really hard for our parents to explain her that she couldn’t be with me 24*7.
My elder sisters’ wedding preparations were going on that time. I was with my handy cam capturing the moments. when the duo ran towards me. ‘what happened shona, aarthi?’, I asked. They breathed heavily. Before, my little sister would say something, shona interrupted, ‘when will you marry me, sanky?’. I was shocked and looked around only to see our parents’ shocked and surprised face. ‘tell me’, she started to nag me and my sister also joined with her. My mom came forward, ‘why are you asking this, swara?’. ‘sanky ma! I asked why riya sis have to marry that bro. for that, Latha aunty said if a boy and girl want to be together forever then they have to marry each other and, I also want to be with my sanky forever’, she said innocently. Others tried hard to suppress their laughing. It was really an embarrassing situation. I looked at Sumi ma who then came to her and held her by shoulder, ‘shona, you are just 11 years old. When you..’. swara didn’t allow her to complete her words, ‘I want the answer. tell me, sanky. When will you marry me?’, shrugging off her mother’s hand. again, I looked around. They all looked at me curiously. ‘I want to marry you’, she started to cry. I sighed, ‘shona, don’t cry. Your bestie is saying, don’t cry, dear. I will answer your question after growing up’. ‘when?’, she asked with expectation filled eyes. ‘when I reach papa’s height’, I answered, gaining her and others wide smile.
‘sanky!!!’, I heard her cry on the other side of the phone. ‘what happened, shona?’, I asked in tension. ‘sanky, I am bleeding’, she said. ‘where are you? did you fall anywhere?’, I asked while closing my project report. ‘no!!! I am bleeding and my lower abdomen is hurting badly’, she said while hiccupping. I understood her problem and exclaimed in mind, ‘oh god!!! She is in her 9th standard. shouldn’t sumi ma and her teachers have to teach her these things?’. I rubbed my forehead, ‘shona! You can’t share these things with me. go and tell sumi ma’. ‘I share everything with you, right? why are you telling like this?’, she started to weep more. I didn’t know how to explain her. ‘shona, listen. These things are natural for a girl. I can’t discuss this with you. go and tell ma’, I said calmly. ‘why can’t I discuss with you?’, she again asked. ‘because, I am a boy and you are a girl’, I said in loud voice. ‘so what?’, I heard her innocent angry voice. I smiled inwardly. ‘ohh!! My shona dear is angry. Don’t pout now. I am sorry. You can share with me everything. Okay, listen me carefully and no cross questions. You became a big girl now. It’s called menstruation….’, I explained her while calling sumi ma from the land line.
I knew that she was possessive of me but I didn’t know its level until that day. We, young ones arranged a small sweet sixteen birth day party for her at the park. Aarthi brought her blind folding while I waited for her along with our common friends. Her eyes twinkled in surprise and joy, seeing the surrounding. She cut the cake; after feeding everyone, we played applying it on each others. when I gave wind chime, she jumped in joy and hugged me tightly. we cleaned ourselves and went to nearby café. There, I met my college mate, rishika. Whenever I told shona about rishika’s flirting towards me, she would start to curse her. I introduced rishika to our friends and looked at shona’s firing eyes. Only I and aarthi knew that she spilled the juice on rishika intentionally. We chuckled, seeing her act. But the next one made me angry. ‘what kind of behavior is this shona?’, I pulled her towards me after our friends’ departure. ‘what are you talking about?’, she asked me casually. ‘don’t you know what you did?’, I asked while gritting my teeth. She just played with her hair, increasing my temper. ‘I am asking you shona. Why did you spill the itching powder on the tissue and give to rishika? You are also a girl. don’t you know how much it would turn out to be an embarrassing situation for her?’, I asked, shaking her. I knew she always has the itching powder, chili powder and pepper spray in her bag. ‘yeah I did it deliberately. So what? Did you know how I felt when she was touching you here and there and clinging on you?’, she asked in a complaining tone while her eyes welled up. ‘but shona, it’s not the way. We shouldn’t hurt others. I already told you about her nature right’, I said in a calm tone. ‘yeah, I understood. I shouldn’t have hurt her’, she said calmly. I smiled but it had vanished when I heard her firm words, ‘because, I should have put that itching powder on you. you are the one who must have avoided her. Remember!! You are mine! If anyone comes near you with that intention, I won’t leave them and you easily’. she pushed me and ran from there. Then she screamed from some distance, ‘and, my every birth day wish is you, only you’. I stood in shock. I knew, she had a crush or infatuation or whatever it is on me. ‘she is obsessed over you, sanskar. before, it turn out to be a serious one, control it’, my heart warned. ‘no!! it’s just a teenage problem’, my mind did conclude, ignoring heart’s warning.
It was the farewell day of my PG course. The five long years of college life was finally over. I dressed in white shirt with blue blazer and blue jeans. The party had started with some speeches by the faculties then the juniors performed some songs and dances. The real party started after the faculties left. A mini bar was opened as usual without permission. I heard some chaos going on at the entrance. I went and shocked to see her. She wore an above knee length black backless dress. Her hair was curled at the bottom and she had applied dark pink lipstick on those soft lips and kohl on her eyelids. Totally, she looked hot. My breath got hitched by seeing her. Then, it turned into rage, hearing some absurd comments passing by. I dragged her out of the venue. ‘what the hell are you wearing?’, I said while wrapping her with my blazer. ‘don’t I look nice?’, she asked innocently. Innocent!! It was that innocent which made me worry for her more. ‘nice, my foot!!! Is this a dress to wear and walk around? Don’t you have common sense?’, I scolded her in anger. ‘why are you getting angry? I thought you will like seeing me in this outfit’, she said. I looked at her in disbelief, ‘what the hell? who the hell ask you to wear this?’, I asked. ‘wo.. your friend rohan said that you like these types of out fits’, she said. I wanted to punch that rohan black and blue. ‘and, you believe it’. she nodded her head. I tried to control my increasing rage. ‘are you carzy? How can you believe him? what is the need of it?’. I stunned hearing her reply, ‘yeah! I am crazy for you. I want you to see me like those hot girls in your class’. I sat on the bench nearby and made her to sit too. ‘listen, shona! Whatever you think about me is not right. Concentrate on your studies and carrier’, I said calmly. ‘answer me. when will you marry me? now, you are more height than your papa now’, she said. ‘this is proving that you are still an immature kid. It’s just an infatuation’, I said. ‘did I look like a kid to you?’, she said while throwing away the blazer and continued, ‘I am 18. I knew the difference between infatuation and love. I am not immature. I knew everything’. After finishing her words, he pulled me and placed her lips on mine and traced my hands on her waist. I felt numb for a moment. I pushed her and slapped her. ‘what are you thinking swara? for this you are staying here in hostel without accompanying your parents to Mumbai?’, I was shocked by her as well as my act. ‘I love you, sanky’, she said. her eyes welled up in tears. ‘just leave!!’, I said firmly. ‘sanky!’, I heard her shivering voice. ‘just go away!!’, I yelled. She cried and ran from there.
‘I am leaving’, these was the three words in that chit of paper. She left. Indeed, she left me. did she take my words so seriously or was it me who took her for granted? Three years. It had been three years since she left me, my life. ‘we don’t care about the things we have until it’s gone’. I started to feel the meaning of it. A part of me was lost. I found the place she had in my heart became void and the stress tried to fill it and succeeded in it too. With the time passing, the restlessness increased. I tried to find her with my all sources. Our parents didn’t know what happened between us and I didn’t have the courage to tell them. We felt somewhat relax when her parents started to receive her letters saying, ‘I am fine. Will come to you soon. Love you’. we couldn’t trace her with it. Because, those letters were typed in mail and had a signature at the bottom with no address on it also they had received them on different days and different places like in the mail box, car wiper, along with milk packet etc., how could she do this? She could only think like this. crazy girl!! My crazy girl and her weird ideas!! yes, my crazy girl!! when? How? Where? I didn’t know. The thing I knew was she is my crazy girl and I become crazy for her. Irony!! When she lived around me, I ignored those feelings. After I made her leave, I was searching her around the cities. Still, I had a belief that she would come to me. I was waiting to listen her laugh, her innocent queries, talk and to feel everything about her.
Finally, the day also came, aarthi’s engagement. When I saw her entering the home with her parents, my heart stopped for a moment. I couldn’t believe it was real. I stood like a statue until her words did reach my ears, ‘what did you think? I will leave you? I already told you that you are mine. You wanted me to be independent and be matured, right? Now, see, I proved myself that I am not immature’. When she pecked my lips I came to alive. Tears rolled down from my eyes. ‘oh baby!! see! Who is an immature kid now?’, she teased while wiping away the tears. ‘I missed you so much, shona’, I said and hugged her. ‘But I did not’, she said much to my disappointment. She looked at me and smiled, ‘because, I have been in contact with you, sanky’. I gave a confused look. ‘did you forget me? goldie?’, she said with a wide smile while winking at me. the reality got struck on my head. Shit!! Shit!! Fool, idiot!! I started to scold myself. She had been in contact with me for the last two years. How couldn’t I able to recognize her? Her? my Shona? Goldie? Yeah, goldie!! She was our company’s head designer. I saw her designs on a website and spell bounded by it. I contacted her via mail and offered her the job. She accepted it on one condition that she would work from her place and the communication should only be via mails. I didn’t want to lose an awesome designer so I accepted her condition. ‘How can I, your crazy girl live without you, sanky? It was all aarthi’s plan. thank god!! You realized our love’, she said with that same innocent smile and hugged me tightly. ‘Cheater, aarthi!!!’, I exclaimed when we came to know that she was the one who helped swara in sending the letters to her parents and she knew where she was from the beginning and also working as a spy on me.
‘my crazy girl, I become crazy for you’, I said to her while pulling her towards me. ’22nd. How many times will you tell this?’, she asked, wrapping her hands around my neck. ‘Infinite’, I said and lifted her. The new beginning started.