Neil’s head buzzed with the memory. It circled his mind immediately in the black fog of the past. Bile rose to his throat still thinking of the crash. Feeling it hit his blood and skin. Feeling the stench of burning flesh. Feeling the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. Feeling her burn alive infront of his eyes.
He remembered it. He felt it enter into his veins like in a bitter flow. He felt loath pump his blood and soul. It stayed in his gut in a ball of poison. He wiped his burning eyes with the back of his hand. He shook his head and his body started tremoring and sweating profusely feeling everything of that incident.
He walked fast out of the apartment, ripped open the door of the car and got inside it. He drove it around recklessly onto the highway.
He drove mindlessly fast and his eyes searched frantic for some dark corner. He ended finally into a small dingy looking pub.
His breaths came out in hard pants as he reached the drinks counter and sat on the bar stool.
The bartender came around and slid his gaze all over the man who looked every way frustrated and dishevelled.
He looked across expectantly at the first customer who seem to stay all night long.
“Wisky.” He barked.
Neil looked around and his eyes narrowed as the man put out a glass on the counter.
“The whole bottle.” He bit out.
The bartender looked surprised but he nodded his nonetheless after a second. Neil could have gone to his own lavish pub but he would be a boar and spur brawls in this state, which he didn’t want to make an impression of a nasty boss around his own place. That would be shameful.
He drank through the bottle and felt the whisky burn it’s fiery path down his throat. He hissed with the affect of it as it burned his eyes and rang his ears through the long pull he took, but it did nothing to numb the memory.
Slowly slowly the pub buzzed with people. A group of giggling twenty somethings were giving clear inviting smiles, fluttering of long eye lashes and pushed out ample chests. He could very well take one. Forget himself in a one night stand, but the idea and it’s novelty for physical pleasure lost completely and lay fizzled when he remembered a pair of ghostly big hazel brown eyes. They kept staring deep into his dark soul beseechingly. He cursed heavily trying to shake off the look but it stayed in the back of his mind swirling images and moments of her ardent affection. It called onto his senses. Her eyes. Manipulating their way into the deepest darkest secrets of his mind and perhaps his heart. The heart which lay in black abyss for a long time. The eyes struggled to stray into the purgatory of the sins he committed.
He hated her for that. He hated the demure false smiles. He had only disgust for the likes of her. Stringing men around her little finger with the way of those looks she gave them. And then freezing them out. Playing a tease. He didn’t come to terms when his perception changed of her. It was different all of a sudden when she came and stayed in his apartment. The vulnerability and softness of features painted a complete tranformation in his eyes. He couldn’t understant it. Damn her for making him mad with desire too. He turned loathful thinking of it. Becoming one of her desperately clingy men. Now she played him same. She had the dare to manipulate his mind. Now she was going to pay for it.
He drank till he was tottering on his feet but not until he lost his senses. In the clumsiness of it he dropped his wallet.
He slid down to the floor searching for the lost things.
One of the waiters came running to help.
The guy gathered everything from the floor and gave it to him, but Neil’s hand searched more. His vision though was subsiding and he was finding it difficult to focus his eyes on the blurring floor.
“Have you lost something, Sir?” The waiter asked after a while.
Neil’s eyes fastened suddenly on a gleaming golden object that sparkled and shined on the floor. His trembling hand caught it string and his eyes sharpened on the pendent.
Memories surged up immediate and with it, her face endearingly beautiful filled his greedy eyes. Everything came up in a surge. Her eyes sparkly alive, her cheeks filled with embarrassed crimson when he murmured things in her ears, her lips gorgeously luscious, her whole face heating up when his gaze lingered lazily warm on her porcelain glistening skin. It wasn’t all false. She cannot fake clumsiness. She cannot be any less awkward in movements whenever his focus sharpened on her form. She wasn’t confident of her body. The movement to cover herself in self consciouness from his penetrating eyes did nothing but rouse him more. She should know it very well of what it did to his self control. It snapped whenever she tried to hide her delicious curves from his eyes. More than that, the way she tried cover up her love for him.
God, how can he think she played such a dirty game. He knew she was good and honest. That stubborn nature of hers. To make things right. It put a question mark in his mind. What drove her to hurt him? There was something she did try to hide since she woke in the morning and disappeared from his arms. He remembered the gleam in Suha’s eyes. A smug triumph coloring her features when Sam drew away when he got closer.
Realization slammed his mind like a thunder lightening. His jaw grinded hard.
So, she traded him, didn’t she. Traded him like some kind of thing to make her sister stay, the witch. Deep black furious anger spurred his arms to clench. His fingers itched to rattle her body hard. Until her teeth knocked off. Until sense returned in her small brain. Until she realized something. That she was his. That she belonged to him mind, body and soul. He was going to make sure now. To get that across her good and finally. He was going to punish her for this. Punish her bad for falsely making him fall in a trap of a deceit. Making him think that she had only hate. He hesitated first because she wasn’t ready for him. Now, he ruthlessly and forcefully wanted everything from her. Everything of what was rightfully his. Be damned if she was going to think he was brutal and heartless.
His eyes feasted greedily over the chain and the pendant. The glide of his gaze became soft. Anger ebbed away remembering her anxious touch. So hesistant and untrusting like a dove. Her love for him was the same. Frightened and confused.
Something ruffled in the space of his chest. A deep sweet pain. His eyes widened and his breath caught in his lungs.
God, he loved her. He always did. Even when he hated her in the past, he had loved her. He loved her with a compelling obsession. With such deep intensity that it shook his entire body realizing it now. It set fire to every cell of his body. He couldn’t think sane while she was near. He couldn’t do anything but think of her possessively while she wasn’t close. She was the very breath he took in and was the very breath that would leave last from his body. She became his when he first laid eyes on her. The demure mousy looking fifteen year blushing girl. He was ashamed to have designs on her then so young. But it wasn’t just the burning physical attraction. It was everything beyond. For f**k’s sake, she even made him poetic. It was witchcraft. She put a drugging spell on his mind and wound him around her little finger completely.
Neil’s jaw hardened. He wasn’t going to let her know that he loved her. He wasn’t going to go through the painful vulnerability again and trust her. She hurt him bad this time and he wasn’t going to let it go that easily. It would take time to forgive her. Meanwhile, she had hell lot to pay for it.
He fingers curled around the chain.
“Sir, have you lost something?” The insistent waiter asked again.
Neil got up taking in a shaken breath.
“It’s not something. It’s everything that I had lost.” He murmured huskily, as his eyes watered a little.
He gritted his teeth and slid the chain around his neck. He fastened the hooks firm and let the cool touch of the pendant sit firm on his upper chest.
“And now, I’m going to get it all back.” He said through clenched teeth hoarsely.
The waiter gave him a bewildered nod and moved back to the bar.
Neil’s hazy mind cleared a little and he walked out of the pub slowly. A complete peace surronded his mind and lightened his heart. Little specks of snow fell all around from the dark sky.
Neil took a deep breath in and closed his eyes. He spread his hands wide and a sudden cool breeze circled his body. He let it inside his lungs. It gushed fast into his veins and spread warmth all around his blood.
He let love come to him and drench his parched soul completely. From the thick white fog, her face appeared slowly. A slow shy smile spread her lips wide as she looked across at him demurely. Neil smiled too. God, she was so pure and beautiful even in his mind. He could keep on looking at her and never get satisfied completely of the thirst he had for her.
He opened his eyes and a new set of determination hardened his jaw more. He walked upto his car and got inside. The drove around listlessly and finally had the will to tread home. He parked the car outside his apartment driveway. He strided up the stairs and got inside hall.
He was about to walk upstairs but a firm hold of a warm hand on his right shoulder froze him to the floor.
He turned around slowly and came face to face with Suha. She drew closer to his body instantly and Neil’s body drew tight.
She was a perfect match to his height. Her cool grey eyes collided with his. In fact she was every way he would go for a woman. She was slim and was rather pretty. Even can be described gorgeous if considered the oval shaped face, thick black hair, straight even white teeth and dark eyebrows.
“I was waiting for you.” She smiled coyly sweet, fluttering her eyelashes for the complete affect.
She was wearing a peach coloured nighty that barely covered her legs. Both of her hands had bandages. Even then she looked every way healthy.
Her slender hand drew down to his chest. She was looking at him silently expenctant, as if telling him to make a move. Neil stared back flatly.
She frowned and her hand slid over his jaw.
“Don’t look so grim. I will make you forget her….just be with me and see.” She said again in a smoky voice.
Neil waited for something to happen but accept disgust and a cold indifference nothing settled in his gut. He didn’t feel a roar of hunger. He didn’t feel his blood heat up and burn scorching at her proximity. It didn’t rake a feeling to constantly tease and make her nervous and skittish. He didn’t feel like murmuring intimate words in her ears. He didn’t want to keep her holding in his arms always. He didn’t feel the feathery curves hit and crave at his desire. His eyes did not meet a hesistance of an eye contact but a smug boldness. He didn’t meet softness of features but a satisfied gleam of scoring something.
Neil became cold through and through suddenly.
He leaned his head down closer to her face.
“I would if I could.” He murmured softly and saw her face brighten immediately, but he wasn’t done. His lips turned up in a slow sardonic sneer…..”But, wouldn’t it be a shame if it would just be a one sided f**k.” He whispered harshly low.
He smiled coldly and was satisfied to see her face colour and twist an angry red and she stepped back as if burned.
Neil’s eyes turned glints of stone and his anger pulled up extreme but he shook it off for sanity’s sake and walked away in complete shudder of disgust. If at all family was like this then he was better off having none. Except her though, he thought softly.
His feet struck dead near outside her room and he felt a wealth of emotion curl around his heart knowning that she wasn’t there behind the closed door.
He opened the dipalated door and smiled ruefully remembering all their fights about it.
He got inside the room and stood staring around the emptiness. Though the scent of her lingered all over. He sighed heavily and walked towards her wardrobe. He flung it open and only empty space and hangers invited his eyes. A sense of deep sadness drew around his mind and he felt his fists ball in frustrated anger. He couldn’t believe she had left him, but nonetheless he was going to make her so weak and helpless for him that she was going to beg to take her back. A slow brusque smile turned up his lips.
Oh wouldn’t it be fun to bend the self righteous little minx. She would scratch his face and spit in his eye before bending to his will, he thought in wry amusement. His eyes caught a pink something over the shelf. His right hand unconsciously swept over the soft lush material.
Immediately the sweet scent of lilacs and roses attacked his senses and nostrils. He circled the scarf around his hand and moved closer to the bed. He sat down and took a shaky breath in. His empty heart weighed heavily for her. It was becoming difficult to breath suddenly. His eyes misted over willing the bed to make her slumbering form to appear on his side magically. He slid down on his back on the bed holding close the scarf around his upper chest. He didn’t till now that he would miss her presence this painfully.
He wanted to hurt and punish her for making him feel desperate things and at the same time embrace her tight in his arms and pull her deep into his chest. Caress and love every inch of her at the same time again he felt a rising anger and scorn for the man he became. A Vulnerable shadow which left his soul strip and lay bare to her eyes, and he hated and despised her for bringing him to such level of low.
His thoughts turned fierce and his breath evened out and he fell spiralling into a fitful disturbed sleep…..
Next up part- A New Start- A fierce hateful punishing love cannot be denied forever…
Credit to: kfar